I like to think that a principle reason I've been so successful in my life todate (which is not to put myself on a pedestal, that I have achieved much more than I ever believed I would and high school tests indicated) is because of my stubbornly clinging to the belief that when given a choice, it is better to regret something that you did do rather than something that you didn't. My tattoos served no useful purpose and occasionally get me thrown out of onsens, but I don't regret having got them. When I woke up one morning and decided I should probably live in Japan, everything in the world could possibly have gone wrong, but I went through with it and here I am, without regret, and a lot of interesting tales to tell. This philosophy has proved consistently useful in making all life changing decisions.
That is until now. Just recently, I was presented something of a Pandora's box, the choices of which were to keep it closed and potentially regret for all eternity that I would never know what evil rested within, or to open it and live with the potentially unpleasant consequences. True to my model, I went with the latter, and now so overcome with regret am I, that I may have to rethink the entire philosophy. No longer will I be able to direct my life in the direction I wish it to go, no, I shall now have to err on the side of caution, always picking the path most trodden. Boldly going where guaranteed safety lies.
What then was this Pandora's box I speak of? None other than a copy of the 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special conveniently burned onto a DVD, and now permanently etched into my retinas. What was so bad about it, you ask? I'm going to tell you in the hopes that others may be spared my horrific fate.
Really Annoying Wookies
A couple of minutes I could have stood, but the show was nearly 2 hours of traumifying wookie antics, them being mummy wookie (Chewbacca's wife), grandpappy wookie with an enormous underbite and a rather perverted penchant for 70s disco queens, and small annoying descendent of Chewbacca appallingly named "Lumpy." Antics means squawking at each other without subtitles, and jumping around, and getting on everybody's nerves.
Cameos by original Star Wars crew looking like they'd all been drugged or blackmailed into it. Carrie Fisher singing. Very camp imperial officers. Annoying "friend of the wookies" jack the lad type bloke who had no business being associated with Star Wars. Really bad music. Awful awful awful.
In fact, the only thing that was barely likable was the use of the Wilhelm Scream™, and that's BEFORE it became a popular in-joke amongst film sound engineers.
So if the opportunity presents itself, do not under any circumstances ever watch this production. Not even as a dare, or one of those things that just has to be done. It isn't worth it. Life is too precious.