Truisms in Legalese

I've been noticing a lot of truisms in legalese these days. For example, any Xbox or Xbox 360 game disc you happen to own will be imprinted with the following legend:

Do not make illegal copies of this disc

Note how it neither says "do not make copies of this disc" nor "it is illegal to make copies of this disc". Instead it limits its prohibition to acts of copying that happen to break the law, without being in the least bit specific about which acts of copying that may apply to. At a more general level, the prohibited nature of an illegal act is inherent in its illegality, so the words "do not" and "illegal" effectively cancel each other out, leaving us with the much more positive sounding message" make copies of this disc". If you insist Microsoft.

Another legal line you often see on game packages is as follows:

Unauthorised copying, reproduction, rental or broadcast of the information contained on the accompanying disc is a violation of applicable laws.

Applicable laws?! So in other words, "in such circumstances that there is a law prohibiting certain acts, then such acts would violate said law." Well no shit Sherlock! Again, it doesn't specify that such unauthorised acts are indeed illegal, and should such an act violate any law, it further doesn't specify which laws apply to which acts. All it really says is that "unauthorised copying, reproduction, rental or broadcast of the information contained on the accompanying disc may or may not break a law, we don't honestly know and never really thought about it."

Then we get onto warranties. The game I have on my desk at the moment contains this little gem in the manual.

Any applicable implied warranty, including warranties of merchantability and fitness for a particular purpose, are hereby limited to 90 days from the date of purchase and are subject to conditions set forth herein. In no event shall (company name) be liable for consequential or incidental damages resulting from the breach of any express or implied warranties. The provisions of this limited warranty are valid in the United States and Canada only. Some states do not allow limitations on how long an implied warranty lasts, or exclusion of consequential or incidental damages, so the above limitation or exclusion may not apply to you. This warranty provides you with specific legal rights. You may have other rights that vary from state to state.

Don't even know where to start untangling that mess of legalese, but if we strip away the fat, we get the more general meaning that "any warranty that you may or may not have is limited in nature unless it isn't. You only have the rights we say we told you you have (the ones that may not be true), unless you turn out to have some additional rights we failed to tell you we told you." Or to put it more simply still, "um..."