Libation Kowloon

Charlie Brooker on Japanese TV

2012-01-28T15:03:00.002+09:00

Charlie Brooker, currently in Japan, wrote an excellent piece in which he gave a graphic description of Japanese TV. The following summed it up rather well I thought:

The vast majority of programmes consist of several seriously overexcited people sitting in an overlit studio decorated like a novelty grotto made from regurgitated Dolly Mixture, endlessly babbling about food.

That said, I don't think it went nearly far enough in describing just how goddamned awful it really is.

One of the biggest problems is that TV never really evolved as a visual media, which is ironic given that all national terrestrial channels currently broadcast in high definition. The content of programming is largely an evolution from talk radio, the role of visuals being auxiliary illustration. They can't just show you something; popular personalities have to explain to you what you're seeing, and then discuss their reactions to it. The show format would work without showing us anything, and would probably in fact work better.

What makes the programming worse though is that the talent agencies hold all the cards, and wield those cards without any thought for the quality of the viewing experience. A common scenario is that a production team will approach an agency to hire a particular talent, but if the agency is pushing a different talent that week then that's the one they get. Hence we constantly see the same few faces appearing in everything, regardless of their suitability. Where this goes beyond mere insanity and enters the realm of self destructivity is the following common scenario. An actor has a major part in a high budget TV drama (or occasionally movie), so to plug the movie they have the actor dress up as the character they portray on all other television appearances, which has the knock-on effect of destroying the credibility of the character when the show eventually airs. Just to knock down any last remnants of the fourth wall though, all the advertisers that have used that actor in a commercial opt to air those commercials during the breaks.

This is why Japanese TV is for the most part utterly unwatchable.

Bizarre Behaviour on iOS 5

2011-10-20T16:09:00.001+09:00

I regularly use three different international keyboards for entering 2 languages + emoticons on my iPhone (I'll just number the keyboards 1-3 for simplicity), and use the little globe button on the bottom left to rotate through them in order as follows:

1 --> 2 --> 3 --> 1 --> 2 --> 3

So if I'm using keyboard 3, I know I have to push the globe button once to get keyboard 1, or twice to get to keyboard 2. It's intuitive and consistent.

Until iOS 5 that is. Now if I leave it on keyboard 3 and don't use the phone for a little while (exact time not known), pressing the globe button does the following:

3 --> 2 --> 3 --> 1 --> 2 --> 3 --> 1--> 2 --> 3

But if I don't leave it long enough, then it behaves the same way as I had previously expected it to.

This bizarre selection order change happens just infrequently enough for me to never ever get used to it, so now whenever I go to press the globe button I have no idea what language is going to appear (out of only two possible choices).

The globe button has become a button of uncertainty, and I don't like uncertainty in Apple products.

Apple, please fix this. Please. If you can put an option in the International Keyboards settings allowing me to turn this "feature" off, then that would be great. I'll use that and say no more on the subject. Or if you really insist that this is best for everyone, why not change the globe icon to something that represents the keyboard you will switch to if you press it. Or have a different "next keyboard" and "most recent keyboard" icons to identify its behavior. Either way, its functionality is currently compromised and it's rather disappointing for the fifth version of anything, given that it worked fine before.

Thank you!

Kawasaki Awa Odori

2011-10-17T12:37:00.007+09:00

This was our last public performance this year, and for my money, our best. And very well captured to. We still need some work in areas and a lot of fine tuning before next summer, but I think we've successfully raised the bar and done well for ourselves this year. Video looks best full screen in HD.

Berlitz酷い！

2011-09-29T11:44:00.004+09:00

目的と違うと思いますが、この宣伝は在日外国人に対してかなり失礼だと思います。外国人は日本語を習う（習えるのか？！）ことはあり得ないように表現しているから。日本に安心に暮らすために苦労して、日本語を勉強してきた外国人を馬鹿にするな！

http://www.berlitz.co.jp/info/ad1109_pop01.html

Homepage Update #2

2011-08-02T10:52:00.001+09:00

The Tokyo Ebisuren homepage is now available in English. To my knowledge, we are now the only Awa-odori team to have the entire homepage including regular updates in English, and one of the only English language Awa-odori resources available at all. Take a look and see what we've been up to!

Tokyo Ebisuren

Homepage Update

2011-04-03T18:44:00.003+09:00

After months of work, we finally have the new Tokyo Ebisuren homepage up and running. Please take a look if you're not too busy.

東京えびす連

Fukushima – A Car Analogy

2011-03-14T15:20:00.004+09:00

I can't vouch for the scientific accuracy of this as I'm going by what scientists and nuclear engineers have been explaining. However, as the words "nuclear" and "explosion" seem to drive so much irrational fear into people who automatically think in terms of nuclear bombs, which are really hard to make, this gentler (and somewhat tongue in cheek) analogy should make the scale of the current situation a little clearer.

The common perception of the current situation

Imagine you have a very long alley, just wider than a car, and it's filled with little children innocently playing. A muscle car with bull horns on the front (and barbed wire stretched between them) is about to burn down that alley at 150 mph. It cannot slow down or crash or turn for some reason which I don't know, but it just is, and it's going to mow down anybody that gets in its way without even taking a dent. Even the kids at the other end of the alley aren't going to have time to get out of its way. The only thing stopping it is one man with his foot on the brake pedal, but he's getting real tired and the brakes aren't very strong, so it could speed off at any second. It's going to be a disaster.

What's actually happening

The same car is stopped at the end of the same alley. The engine is idling. The bulk of the fuel has been removed, but there's still dregs left in the fuel tank and pipes so it's going to take a little while for it to run out of fuel. The handbrake is on. And a man is sat in the drivers seat with his foot on the brake. He's getting tired. They're trying to encourage him to stick at it, but it's uncertain if he can keep it pushed down before the engine runs dry and stops by itself. If he dozes off and releases the brake, and the handbrake fails, and nobody else can get to the main brake fast enough, the car will slowly career into a concrete wall that was designed to stop the same car hitting it at 500mph. Just to be extra sure, they've asked the kids to go home to mum until it's sorted.

Fear mongering in the western media and blogs is not helping families who are already distressed (with good reason) worrying (also with good reason) about loved ones in Japan. Please instead consider donating to one of the many organisations providing relief efforts. Please also note that this is in no way meant to imply the current situation isn't dangerous – it is extremely dangerous in the immediate area and the people who are in the most danger at Fukushima are the plant operators who are working tirelessly (and thanklessly) putting their lives on the line to ensure everybody else's safety.

Google Maps Oddity

2011-01-26T17:00:00.001+09:00

Well, I tried saving a place link in My Maps and set it to Public so it would appear in public searches. Do it appear in public searches? Nope. Perhaps it's because nothing is linked to it, so Google doesn't know it exists...

美竹の丘・しぶやレクリエーションホール

There. It's linked. Now be more publically searchable!

Digital Photography Stuck in the 19th Century

2011-01-20T18:12:00.000+09:00

It was back in 1675 that Greenwich Mean Time (GMT) was first established to assist mariners in determining longitude at sea. Less than 200 years later, countries around the world had begun to base their own standard times as an offset of GMT. Sadly, digital photography has yet to catch on to this trend, and continues to treat time as something of a local phenomena.

One of the advantages of digital photography over film is that most modern digital cameras support EXIF tagging, a system of automatically recording the camera settings within each image at the time of capture – this typically includes the date and time the picture was taken, exposure settings, camera and lens details, and other pertinent information essential for ascertaining the circumstances under which each shot was taken. With some cameras, your precise position on the planet can be recorded too, so you don't even have to remember where each picture was shot. Most photo management software such as Adobe Lightroom and Aperture, not to mention photo sharing sites such as Flickr and Picasaweb, can extract this information and use it to help present or organise your pictures in meaningful ways. Even the simple act of importing pictures onto your desktop makes use of the EXIF data – the date and time associated with each picture file on your hard drive is invariably synched with the capture time rather than the time it was imported.

However, what I can only imagine was a very unfortunate and permanent oversight with EXIF data in its current incarnation, which threatens to undermine much of its potential usefulness, is that it does not support time zones, and nobody else seems to be in any hurry to accommodate this either. During a recent trip to Europe, I captured a lot of images using a Canon EOS 5D Mark II (which is still a high end camera) and an Apple iPhone 4. The time on the 5D had to be adjusted manually in much the same way you would an analogue wristwatch, but the iPhone already had time zone support – I only needed to specify the city I was in and it would make all necessary adjustments. Despite this difference, when used as a camera, both performed exactly the same in terms of time zone accommodation: not at all.

Here's a semi-hypothetical scenario to illustrate the problem (precise times have been simplified): Having gone to the UK and set both camera and phone to UK time, pictures were taken with both cameras at 12:00 (midday). The EXIF data records and shows the images as having been taken at 12:00, which is 21:00 in Japan thanks to the 9 hour time difference. On returning to Japan, setting the camera and phone times back to Japanese time, and importing the pictures onto my computer, it now shows the capture time as... 12:00 midday. Local time. Japan. A whole 9 hours before I even took them. I upload them to Flickr, and that agrees they were taken at "12:00 JST".

Now, I appreciate that both Lightroom and Flickr (both of which I use frequently) have systems allowing you to manually time-shift capture times by a set amount of hours to accommodate different time zones, but that's a far cry from basing the times off a global standard. It still works on the assumption that time cannot be absolute (despite whatever the wise King Charles II acknowledged in 1675), local time is everything, and renders meaningless the whole process of adjusting your camera's clock in the first place. And if Flickr is going to go to the bother of displaying a time zone with each picture, it should at least make sure it's the correct time zone, and have a system for adjusting it – show the capture time as 12:00 GMT, or adjust to local time as 21:00 JST, but don't try and do both at the same time.

The iPhone's GPS throws another spanner of bafflement into the equation. On November 22nd last year, Apple released the iOS 4.2 update, and one of the undocumented (and possibly unintended) changes was to the way global position data (geotags) was stored in photos. GPS satellites transmit a time signal in UTC (GMT for all intents and purposes) from which the position is triangulated, and that time signal is then recorded in the EXIF data together with the longitude, latitude and altitude. Until the iOS 4.2 update, the time recorded was localised to the present time zone. Now, it's recorded as transmitted in UTC. So all subsequent iPhone photos now have both the local capture time AND a global capture time recorded, which would be very useful if anybody ever wanted to make use of this information ever. Again, Lightroom, Aperture, Flickr, Picassaweb, none of these services are interested in global time even when it IS available. Local time is everything.

But wait. It becomes yet more baffling, as the way the iPhone records capture time now varies between photos and videos: photos get a local time stamp while video gets a global time stamp. So a video shot at 12:00 in the UK looks very different to the picture I captured moments earlier when brought onto my desktop in Tokyo – the picture file shows the time as 12:00 midday (JST), but the video file shows 21:01. It's like they're not even trying to make sense.

It's just as well that nobody really ever travels that far from home these days, nor shows their digital photos to people any further away than the next town, because otherwise this failure to progress past the mid 19th century would start to prove extremely inconvenient, and both camera and photo management software giants might have to start looking beyond their own back yards for a change.

Playing with GIFs

2011-01-04T23:18:00.000+09:00

About 15 years behind here, but I never thought of myself as being on the cutting edge.

1928 Time Traveller Talking on the Phone?

2010-10-29T12:05:00.001+09:00

For the past couple of days, the Internet has been literally aware of film footage from 1928 offering conclusive proof that time travel is real and happening. A traveler was caught off guard on camera using a modern mobile phone!!

Yes, based on these few seconds of footage of a manner similar to what we would associate with that of talking on a phone, we can reasonably conclude that the lady invented time travel, traveled back to the 1920s, went to the trouble of dressing up in period costume, and somehow forgot to not do something obvious like using futuristic technology in public space. That's not the only hole in the proposition. What network was she supposed to have connected to? Did she build the infrastructure herself? And once time travel eventually becomes possible, I'm quite sure we'll have progressed past hand-held mobile communicators of this sort - we already did a long time ago as concealable earpieces coupled with Bluetooth have been a reality for years. Given the availability of a hearing aid ("carbon amplifier") that would fit the face in a similar manner to a mobile phone since 1924, the idea she's a time traveler caught off guard talking on the phone starts to fall apart at the seams.

Clearly the only logical conclusion we can draw is that at some point in the future, there's a kind of Y2K type disaster waiting to happen and the only way they can avert it is to use a specific kind of technology only used in the original 1924 Siemens carbon amplifier. So the time traveler went back to 1928 (a few years after release so she could be sure there'd be sufficient availability), bought a carbon amplifier, and wanted to test it to make sure it was working before bringing it back to the future. And that's when she was caught on film!

In your face, time traveler!!

55 Station RIP

2010-09-14T16:43:00.006+09:00

After compiling a series of photos I'd taken over the past year for a project onto a Compact Flash disk, I took them to my local 55 Station print shop to get prints made. I inserted the disk into machine number one, disk recognised, no images found. Machine number 2, same. Machine number 3, number 4, all the same.

Noticing my apparent frustration, the shop owner approached and asked if I was having troubles. I explained the content of the prior paragraph, and she told me something that came as a bit of a surprise. And not a good, positive surprise that would allow me to leave the shop with my prints in hand and a skip in my step, but one of those dumbfounded face-palming surprises that makes me question the collective intelligence of the people chosen to make decisions.

"If the images on the card have been post-processed in any way, the machines will reject them. They've very strict on security now."

Not an image, apparently.

I explained that this is of course ridiculous – I post-process most of my photos before printing, and when I shoot RAW I don't even have a choice in the matter. The machines are effectively enforcing my copyright against me.

The lady shrugged her shoulders.

"It's to try and prevent people making infringing prints from pictures they grabbed off the internet. It's frustrating because we're losing customers."

She continued.

"However, if you use the web interface to order prints, you can pick them up here within a couple of hours. The web interface lets you print anything."

I explained that if I were wishing to make infringing prints from pictures grabbed off the internet, that would certainly be my preferred method as opposed to going to the trouble of putting them onto a disk and using the shop's machine. Again, she shrugged her shoulders and apologised for the inconvenience.

I took my business to a different store under a different chain.

Anyway, this sparked an interesting discussion as to how exactly they're determining that a photo file is original. At first, I thought it might be in the EXIF data – cameras and software such as Photoshop will normally leave their own names in the meta-data to identify themselves as the file creator. However, most images grabbed off the web, or produced by older cameras and many camera phones have no EXIF data, so it can't reasonably be that. It would either be too easy to get round (strip all meta-data on Export etc.), or it would produce far too many false-positives, rejecting all kinds of genuinely original pictures.

Then, an equally curious friend drew my attention to some software that can with reasonable accuracy distinguish post-processed images from originals using a combination of meta-data and a database of compression signatures. I have no idea what that means, but it sounds very clever.

And that's when I realised the real reason they started to reject post-processed images.

Because they can.

It's a danger that's inherent in any kind of system of DRM, that because a data can be electronically protected, it therefore should be. Because the print service is primarily targeted at people printing pictures straight out of their cameras, and they can prevent post-processed images being printed, they therefore should. Doesn't make any sense, but that's the allure of technology.

It reminded me of a conversation I had a few years back with a representative of a movie distribution company over the use of regional coding, which roughly went as follows:

Me: "As you're only releasing this movie (with obvious international appeal) in Japan, have you considered making the DVD region free?"
Rep: "It's not region free though; we're only distributing it in Japan."
Me: "Yeah, but If you make the DVD region free, you can still play it normally in Japan. Additionally if people living overseas want to buy a copy, then they can play it too."
Rep: "But we're not selling it overseas, and have no plans to ever do so."

So they went ahead and region coded it with no clear reason why, ensuring in the process that the majority of the world's population could not enjoy lawfully purchased copies (not without purchasing a chipped or Region 2 DVD player anyhow), and would have to resort instead to pirated copies if they wanted to see the movie.

Japanese social networking site Mixi is also guilty of this same common sense violation. Most Japanese mobile phones support a copyright flag in image file meta-data. Any file containing that flag can be saved and viewed on the phone, but cannot be copied to a flash disk, mailed to other people, uploaded, or retrieved in any way. This enables companies to sell for a dollar or three, tiny images of around QVGA size and less to use as a phone wallpaper or screensaver, or simply just to look at, safe in the knowledge that it can't be shared. It's a similar system to selling a fraction of a popular song as a ring tone for the same, or even more than the full version. Mixi being a social networking site hosts user generated content, but if you attempt to download even your OWN photos to your phone, it adds the copyright flag so it can't be copied again. What is frustrating is that the user who uploaded the picture is not given any choice in the matter – they're not even told. I licence most of my pictures under Creative Commons, and applying a digital lock in this manner violates that license.

But they can do it, and I guess that's all the incentive they need.

iPhone 4 Camera - Update #4

2010-09-14T12:20:00.000+09:00

Apple finally rolled out the IOS 4.1 update last week, and despite making no promises, there is a marked improvement on the quality of the camera's white balance under warmer lighting conditions such as tungsten. It could still be tweaked and improved upon, but my first impression was that if the camera had worked like that when it was first released, I would not have made nearly as much fuss about it as I have.

Apple called me this morning as part of their response gauging efforts. It's good to see that Apple haven't lost touch, and continue to understand that a satisfied consumer base is a loyal consumer base.

Fake Miniaturisers != Fake Tilt-Shift

2010-09-08T16:05:00.013+09:00

Fake miniaturisers have been a popular toy-camera style application for a while now. The principle behind them is that the brain can instinctively recognise certain visual clues such as an absurdly shallow depth of field and interpret them as meaning that the scene in the picture is very very small. Anybody with experience with macro photography knows how tricky it is to get very close-up subjects in focus as the depth of focus is often less than a millimetre front to back. So basically, large scale has a nice wide focus range, small scale has a narrow focus range. Your brain gets this, even if you're there scratching your head trying to figure out what I just said.

What the fake miniaturiser does is to take a nice large scale scene which is probably mostly in focus, and then fakes a shallow focus to give the impression that it's much smaller than it really is. It's not an exact science – all they're doing is making the assumption that the camera is looking diagonally down onto a scene with the top furthest away, picking a line that will be the focus "distance" and making everything above and below that line increasingly fuzzy. Often they'll increase the saturation and brightness too to give the unspoken impression that the scene is comprised of brightly painted models under clear artificial lighting. Some Creative Commons examples from Flickr:

By fionaandneil

By jfravel

By swhite99

Evidently, some work better than others.

A similar effect can be achieved in-camera by using a specialised lens known as a tilt-shift. The lens elements can be physically displaced left, right, up and down, and can also be tilted in all directions so it's attempting to project an image onto a plane that isn't parallel to the film or image sensor. This allows a wide range of perspective correction and distortion, and focus related effects to be achieved.

For example, by pointing the camera diagonally down onto a scene, focussing around the middle (or wherever you like really), then tilting the lens a little downward, you can get the focal distance to be based on distance from the ground upward rather than distance from the lens, meaning your entire landscape near and far is in focus (but with the tops of trees all blurred). Tilting the lens up on the other hand gives the opposite effect – the focal distance is closest to the lens at the top of the picture (where the furthest away scene elements are) and furthest from the lens at the bottom. This exaggerates the natural focus depth significantly giving an effect that's similar to shooting a miniature close up, as in the example below (used with permission):


© Alfie Goodrich

I'd show some more examples, but unfortunately they're very hard to find, the reason being that any search for tilt-shift pictures returns page upon page of shots that have been fake-miniaturised by software. Somehow it has entered the public lexicon that any kind of fake miniaturisation is by definition a "fake tilt-shift". In fact, most of said fake-minaturisation applications are calling themselves just that. Two of the faked pictures linked above even have "Tilt-Shift" in their titles.

So let's make it clear once and for all:

Fake miniaturisation by way of post-processing is as much a "fake tilt-shift" as a battering ram is a "fake credit card".
(Hint – motel room doors...)

Adobe CS Corporate Licensing

2010-09-07T11:51:00.004+09:00

Something that never sat right with me about Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (the Peter Jackson movie) was when Gandalf took Pippin off to Gondor, and Aragorn and Merry have their little exchange. Merry makes a joke about the foolhardiness of the Tooks, and Aragorn just looks bemused. It leads me to believe that the full scene probably read out as follows:

Aragorn: "One thing I've learned about hobbits; they are most hardy folk."
Merry: "Foolhardy maybe. He's a Took."
Aragon: "Yeah, you see, that's lost on me. I haven't really had any dealings with any other members of his family, so to even acknowledge the apparent humour in such a remark would be kind of presumptuous and rude, do you not think?"
Merry: "A fair point well made good sir. I will refrain from such comments, insofar as such comments are there to be made. Now let us make haste for the luncheon table, and eat assorted meats and rhubarb crumble."

Which brings me to the main point about Adobe's licensing of their Creative Suite set of products, including Photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign, Dreamweaver and other such professional design tools, and the foolhardiness thereof you will simply have to take me at my word over.

It's as if the legal team responsible for the corporate licensing have intentionally gone out of their way to penalise the honest. Of course, products such as DVDs also penalise paying customers by making them sit through mandatory accusations and threats, and many games require a permanent internet connection to play offline, none of which applies to those who acquire the products dishonestly, but Adobe's corporate licensing really takes it to the next level and beyond. Let's take a look at why.

Adobe's Creative Suite has a fairly regular upgrade cycle of 1 year to 18 months. This always results in the following:

A new file format which is not compatible with older versions, with "export" only available the most recent version.
Approximately zero support for older versions once a new version becomes available (e.g. camera RAW updates are only ever available for the most current version, even if it only came out last week, and that bug fix you were waiting for just isn't going to happen).

Because of #2 above, many businesses in the design field want to upgrade as soon as a new version becomes available, as opposed to hanging back and waiting for the bugs that will become evident through field testing have been ironed out, or god forbid skipping a generation. But because it's virtually an industry standard, and people in, say, the print industry are having to exchange proprietary format files, then #1 above means not upgrading on the day of release ensures you can no longer be active in that field. Were Adobe a monopoly, then this would certainly classify as monopoly abuse, though with sensible licensing it doesn't have to be that way...

Yeah, sensible licensing, right... It's bad enough that every year or so when they decide you have to upgrade, you have to shell out retail price (or a slightly discounted upgrade price if you had a license for the immediately previous version) for every installation. To add to that, you are only allowed to have the licensed version installed; my boss came round earlier to make sure we were all complying with this clause. So the license you purchase to use CS5 actually includes a clause that says the licenses you purchased for CS4, CS3, CS2, CS1, and all previous versions of the software are no longer valid. The implications for #1 and #2 above are more than self evident; if you wanted to keep older versions available so that you could still exchange files with businesses who haven't upgraded, then businesses wouldn't be forced into the upgrade cycle quite as badly.

There is a sensible way around this in which everybody wins. The upgrade philosophy from the developers standpoint and the strict licensing conditions make this an ideal candidate for subscription licensing. Put simply, why not utilise a model whereby an annual fee is paid in exchange for use of the latest version. This way, Adobe get paid, they no longer have any moral obligation to support prior versions, all businesses get to use the latest versions as they become available, and nobody feels like they're being ripped off at gunpoint. Businesses will pay, because they're going to pay anyway, but this takes all of the stress and randomness out of the equation, and allows them to include it in the budget as a fixed maintenance cost. But they refuse to do this.

Foolhardy.

iPhone 4 Camera - Update #3

2010-08-18T10:31:00.004+09:00

After further testing, it's become apparent that despite my new handset showing significant improvement over the old in terms of white balance, it still cannot hold a candle to that of the 3GS. Furthermore, an increasing number of friends with iPhone 4s are starting to report the same complaint.

So I decided to mail Steve Jobs directly on the issue asking for assurance that the issue was being looked into.

Somebody who is not Steve Jobs mailed me back to say the issue would be better discussed by phone, and that I should speak specifically to them. I'm hoping that they will not be a regular customer service advisor treating my case as a single problematic unit, and instead indicative of a wider quality control issue that needs to be addressed urgently.

We shall see.

Update

They called, and did not appear to be a regular customer service advisor. Turns out Steve Jobs read my mail, and forwarded it on to one of his teams with a comment that they should look into the complaint. While he couldn't comment on the issue specifically, he assured me that Apple are now aware of the growing discontent over the white balance and are investigating. This is good news, and hopefully it will be addressed in due course.

iPhone 4 Camera - Update #2

2010-08-11T22:39:00.001+09:00

Decided to pay a visit to the Apple Store in Ginza and have a chat with one of their "Geniuses" about the White Balance issue. I prepared in advance a few comparison snaps from the 4 and the 3GS, and the gentleman was immediately convinced there was indeed a problem and prepared a new unit. Naturally, given the number of complaints being made about the camera, and the number of times I'd heard the story of having the unit replaced several times only to have the exact same problem each time, I was a little concerned. He explained that early production runs occasionally have small (or sometimes entire) batches of problematic units, but Apple normally iron out the problems fairly early, so if the problem persists I can keep changing it until I find one I'm happy with – the warranty lasts for 1 year.

So on arriving home with my new iPhone 4, I decided to test it under the same conditions I'd tested the previous unit with.

The white balance under the warmer lighting isn't perfect (and I wouldn't expect AWB to be perfect, especially not with a sensor that size), but despite the difference being subtle, the qualitative difference is quite remarkable. This feels more like a camera I can use indoors, and am reasonably happy now, but still feel it's falling short of the mark.

However, there remains a serious problem. Many iPhone users will be unfamiliar with the concept of white balance adjustments, and despite indoor shots coming out bright orange, it's not far fetched to assume that many will not realise they're using a faulty unit. If Apple can identify the fault and fix it in a subsequent update then great, but failing that, they're seriously letting their customers down here.

iPhone 4 Camera - Update

2010-08-06T11:54:00.005+09:00

Upon further inspection, it seems apparent that my initial conclusion was incorrect, that being that the iPhone 4 AWB (Auto White Balance) either doesn't exist, is inactive, or is broken. The scene below was taken at my home last night.

Excuse the mess; my house is currently between tidy.

As we can see, the camera moves between a number of conflicting light sources, and it evidently does make some attempt to compensate. This is especially noticeable around the kitchen sink area, and more so after I manually compensate by adding a "colour temperature blue" adjustment filter (which is how colour correction was done in the days before digital).

One point that I find particularly curious is that although the fluorescent lit room looked mostly fine to begin with; the colour temperature is very close to that of sunlight, it seemed unable to adjust when the CTB filter was placed in front of it. If the AWB is working and has difficulty with the warmer colour temperatures, you'd expect it to at least handle the cooler ones. I digress.

So evidently there is an AWB, and it "works", it just works really really shoddily. I'm hoping it's poor calibration that can be fixed with a software update, but it's also quite plausible that basic camera functionality including the white balance is housed in a dedicated hardware unit that would need to be physically replaced. Again, Apple have been very quiet on the issue and people are getting anxious because even replacing the handset under warranty leaves no guarantee that the issue will be fixed.

Apple, are you there?! Anyone?

UPDATE

I spoke to another rep today, who said he had not heard of the problem. However, I did get myself an appointment at the "Genius Bar" for next Wednesday. Odds are, the lighting at the Apple Store will be fluorescent, making it difficult to replicate the problem (or indeed see if any replacement phone they send my way is fixed or not) so I'm thinking that bringing along a CTO filter to imitate tungsten lighting should do the trick. I'll need to test that first though using the iPhone 4 and the 3GS, with videos prepared in advance for evidence.

iPhone 4 Camera – Worst Phone Camera Ever

2010-08-05T11:03:00.002+09:00

Now I don't normally work in superlatives like this, but it was necessary to balance Jobs' own enthusiastic appraisal. Perhaps the title should more accurately read "iPhone 4 Camera - Handles Warmer Colour Temperature Lighting Such As Tungsten Worse Than Any Phone Camera I've Ever Owned, And I've Owned A Fair Few" which I would absolutely stand by, but if you've read this far then you already know that so there's little point going back and changing it now; and if you haven't read this far, then I can say anything I want about you and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. How do you like them apples?! I guess you'll never know.

In fairness, the iPhone 4 camera performs quite reasonable in daylight conditions. The spirit of the one-touch enhance that was touted in iPhoto nearly 8 years ago to make up for the somewhat lackluster picture quality of your typical digital camera seems to have been included giving pictures that most of the time need no post processing.

However, once you step in from the sunshine and find yourself under tungsten lighting of about 3000 Kelvins or less, that's when the faults start to really show. The best way to explain the problem is as follows: sunlight has a very bluey hue, whereas tungsten lightbulbs as found in typical family abodes have a very orangey hue. Our eyes being connected to our brains perceive both as looking "normal". A camera only sees the light as is, so those daylight scenes actually look really blue, and those tungsten scenes actually look really orange. Thankfully, digital cameras normally come equipped with an "automatic white balance"* which compensates for this making both scenes appear the way we'd expect to see them. This is demonstrated well by the video below (courtesy of Bunnyhero).

See how orange the tunsten lit room appeared? See also how the camera compensated after a moment to make it appear normal? See how blue the other room appeared on emerging from the bathroom? This is what the "automatic white balance" does, and on the older iPhones it clearly did it well.

Now compare to a near identical video taken with an iPhone 4.

As you can see, it makes absolutely no attempt to compensate for the warmer lighting conditions. Whatsoever. Did the manufacturers forget to switch the AWB on? Is it broken? Does it even have AWB? Despite the iPhone 4 being available for more than a month now, Apple have been very quiet on the subject, with support reps claiming they've not heard of such a problem.

Well this is a problem, and despite a buzz of documentation early in July, very little has been mentioned of it since. So I guess it's down to me then.

*Many digital cameras also allow manual white balance whereby you can set to daylight, tungsten, fluorescent and various other presets, set a custom temperature in Kelvins, or simply supply a white reference to lock the colour temperature to. In professional applications a manual white balance is normally preferred. The iPhone 4 does not have a manual white balance option.

Focal Plane Mark Revisited

2009-11-27T14:06:00.002+09:00

As my online petition to Canon, Nikon and other manufacturers of interchangeable lens cameras to rename the inappropriately monikered "Focal Plane Mark" gains steam (as many as two people have now signed), I figured it was time I went ahead and blogged the issue.

The Issue?
That little circle with a line through it on top of the camera body next to the pentaprism, which indicates the location of the film or image sensor, according to Canon and Nikon, is called the "Focal Plane Mark".

See!

It is not sufficient to call this misleading. It is blatantly incorrect. As I'm sure you're all aware, the focal plane, or more accurately the rear focal plane, is a theoretical flat surface positioned relative to the rear nodal point of a lens. More specifically, the plane represents the surface upon which rays of light reflected from a point of infinite distance and entering the lens converge back to a single point. (The distance between the focal plane and the rear nodal point of the lens is equal to the lens's focal length. ) Rays of light reflected from points of less than infinite distance converge to a single point behind the focal plane.

As such, the position of the focal plane coincides with the film or image sensor only when the lens is focussed to infinite – as the focal distance decreases into the finite, the position of the focal plane correspondingly moves forwards.

So "focal plane" clearly does not describe the static location of the film or image sensor in anything but the most tenuous way, making the term "focal plane mark" a fallacy. Luckily however, there does exist a term that describes the position exactly – it's called the "image plane". It therefore makes sense that the mark indicating its location also be renamed the "Image Plane Mark", as that's precisely what it is.

So next time you're thinking of purchasing an interchangeable lens camera, why not badger the staff who have absolutely no authority on the issue over why it should be renamed. If we make enough noise, maybe one day the fat cats upstairs will hear us and get onto doing something about it.

Who's using my pictures?

2009-11-10T18:37:00.004+09:00

Thanks to the wonders of Creative Commons, a number of my pictures are being used in a variety of unforeseen contexts. Naturally many of these are automatically generated pages where people have simply bookmarked the image, or Google Image style automated cataloguing. A large number can also be found in places like Facebook where people have opted to use one of my images for their profile picture – last count somewhere in the region of 20. But then there are those unexpected ones where people have really gone out of their way to specifically choose one of my images. Here are but a few:

1. 10 Ways To Make Your Freelance Business Fail

2. toma love (12/22 now gone)

3. 外国人労働者を襲う雇用不安　日本の移民政策の方向は？

4. 篤姫と情熱大陸の女性たち

5. キヤノンの地産地消

6. Where Does Chicken Come From?

7. Good Question: Indian Food Without the Heat?

8. Dieta Japonesa para adelgazar

9. Redes 3.9G para finales de año en Japón

10. Canon ST-E2, Great Auto Focus Assist But Worthless Otherwise (12/22)

Actually that was all I could find. Though I did get an honorary mention as a cameraman here.

Libation Kowloon – Now Affiliated

2009-10-10T18:04:00.004+09:00

For those of you that noticed the conspicuous banner appearing on the right of the page lately, here's a closer view of a similar but slightly different one.

Yes, I finally sold out, and would have done so quicker if the opportunity had arisen. In short, staff at Japanesepod101.com contacted me and asked me consider an affiliate arrangement with their Japanese language learning site, and after careful review I must say I am most impressed by the sheer quantity not to mention quality of the learning materials that they provide, and believe this to be excellent tool in acquiring the language. If you're serious about your Japanese studies, I would seriously consider taking out a subscription.

If you're not convinced, or are uncertain as to what on earth I'd know about learning the language, there is plenty of content available for free so you can try before you buy.

And with that said, I shall return in due course to talk about photographic techniques, travesties of justice, strange findings in the supermarket, shameless self-promotion and why I still think the PlayStation®3 was a horrible horrible idea.

Kirin Akiaji – Now in Bottles

2009-10-02T16:53:00.002+09:00

It Exists!!
Originally uploaded by Coal Miki

If you've been in Japan for more than one Autumn and haven't tried Kirin's seasonal "Akiaji" beer, get yourself down to your nearest purveyor of fine liquor, or wherever you see the 酒 mark and get some in before they sell out for the year. It is thought by many to be the greatest production beer in the country, and we'd all be a lot happier if it was available all year round.

As I'm now enjoying my 11th annual Akiaji carnival, I was pleased to finally find the elusive bottled variety hidden away in a corner fridge in my local Ozeki. The commercials always show bottles but one can only ever find them in cans. That is until now.

A word of warning though – take care not to confuse Akiaji with the cheaper Akinama. The labels look very similar, but while the Akiaji contains 330ml (or 500ml) of autumn themed refreshness, the Akinama contains a sickly bile that will rot your insides, bleach your soul, and make you very very unpopular if you bring it to a party and then proceed to drink everybody else's drinks (unless everybody else is doing the same thing – I don't go to those sorts of parties though).

Now to continue my search for the other holy grail, the elusive Yebisu bottle with two fish on it.

365 Project

2009-07-03T11:01:00.002+09:00

Partly due to the general lack of inspiration over the past couple of months, I decided to focus my efforts on a 365 project; one photo per day over the course of a year. The aim is to develop technique and vision, so even if the pictures themselves are largely meaningless they should each represent a progression of style and part of the learning process.

Picture number 1 (above) has already been posted to the dedicated site. This was experimentation with fill flash using an off-camera unit. Although I normally use all manual settings, I only had a limited time frame to set up so I left the flash unit set to auto, and under-exposed by one stop. Camera was on a tripod at knee height, flash unit was off to the left (my right) at neck height and diffused through a standard plastic diffuser. Colour balance was set using the same custom setting grey card setting I use for indoor bounce flash, which gave the picture a slightly colder impression as my wallpaper has a hint of beige.

Please bookmark the site below, and feel free to comment on technique and composition.

http://365.restall.org

PUDDLE of LUST / 緋色の陰

2009-06-04T14:05:00.003+09:00

Premium art performance

Exploring an ecology of the modern Japanese artistic expression.
A blend of visuals, sound & movement designed to stimulate the senses, while at the same time explore the boundaries of art and performance. Bringing together top international and local performers for the first time.
Featuring Koto, Shamisen, Industrial Noise, Butoh dancing and Video art, with body painting.

このプロジェクトは日本独自の現代芸術である舞踏、琴、三味線、書道を今の日本に暮らしてる人達、海外の人達に見て、体験して欲しいです。それは一見アバンギャルドかもしれないけど実は今の私たちにとって自然に出てくるもので提示する必要があります。素晴しい感性をもったアーティストたちと濃厚な作品を創りたいと思っています。
ただの`アート`っぽいビデオではなく五感を刺激するミュージックビデオ作品を様々な表現者と製作。

Online booking for advance tickets - http://www.super-deluxe.com/2009/6/18

Details

* Thursday, June 18 19:00 to 22:00
* At Super Deluxe
* Price ¥2000 in advance, ¥2500 at the door
* Homepage: http://www.image-mill.com/lust/

Chaos

2009-03-17T23:03:00.001+09:00

Chaos
Originally uploaded by 神酒 Coal

I originally had much more serene piece of music in mind from the Mishima soundtrack by Philip Glass, but as I searched for it in my music library I came across this much more chaotic piece which I felt really complemented the visuals.

This was shot as a series of timelapsed 2 second exposures in JPEG with the white balance set to 4500 Kelvins and a custom picture style. With exposures that long, there was no danger of the buffer filling up, so I put it in burst mode and locked the cable release. This meant there was only a split second delay between each exposure, allowing me to compress 15 minutes of action into just 30 seconds.

Kimono Party Vol. 2

2009-02-15T19:56:00.003+09:00

At the request of the organiser, I was the official photographer for Kimono Party Vol. 2 held in Shimbashi on 14th February. She was fully aware I don't do generic well, and that my usual "style" would be more than suitable. Got some pretty good food prepared by professional "food therapists" into the bargain too! See the pictures in slideshow fashion below.

New Pictures

2008-12-22T17:07:00.005+09:00

As a proud owner of a 5D Mkii, I decided to get back to basics a little to really tune up my eye and camera skills. So on Saturday, I met up with some other FTPS members for a photoshoot around Harajuku and Shibuya, where I spent the entire time shooting fully manual with a 50mm lens in B&W JPEG. Shooting off a variety of different kinds of shot in this manner helped me to better understand scene lighting while ignoring colour, to better understand how exposure relates to light meter readings for different circumstances and colours. It also made post-processing a breeze as all that was needed (or indeed possible) was a slight contrast enhancement to make the blacks look a little darker on-screen. All in all a useful experiment and one I shall be trying again.

Some shots of the day.

Kamata Illuminations

2008-12-08T02:11:00.001+09:00

Kamata Illuminations
Originally uploaded by 神酒 Coal

Hastily threw together a video using my new Canon 5D Mark ii's 1080p video capabilities. Given time and arsed I'm sure I could have done better, but I'm pretty pleased with the way it came out.

Why Buy a 5D Mark ii?

2008-11-14T12:18:00.001+09:00

5D Mark ii and DOF
Originally uploaded by 神酒 Coal

Threw together this little strip extolling the Mark ii's virtues relative to crop sensor DSLRs and digital compacts. Not sure where the bunny costume came from, but suspect it was indicative of the deep affection only found between a man and his full frame DSLR.

Yuzu Flavoured KitKats ON SALE NOW

2008-11-11T14:01:00.002+09:00

Citron KitKat
Originally uploaded by Fried Toast

Looks like the team at Nestle Japan finally nailed the whole special flavoured KitKat thing, with this rather fantastic looking yuzu flavour one-off. Yuzu, for those of you who don't know, is the most fantastic tasting fruit in the whole of existence, and any food, whether it be sweet or savory, that invokes the essence of the yuzu, be it juice, peel or zest, is welcome in my belly any time.

Some other great yuzu favourites:

Yuzu kosho - yuzu zest and pepper mixed into a paste
Gokkun - a yuzu, honey and springwater drink of maximum refreshness
Yuzu-pon - a vinegar and soy sauce with a naughty yuzu juice tang
Yuzu-wasabi - yuzu zest and wasabi mix with a cheeky bite
Yuzu-cha - basically, yuzu marmalade (juice, peel and zest) that you mix with hot water to make tea
Yuzu-ame - boiled sweets from the yuzu tree
Yuzu-cha-ame - boiled sweets made from yuzu-cha
Yuzu-shu - liqueur made from yuzu juice

That's pretty much all the main ones I can think of off the top of my head. And with a simple bottle of yuzu juice, you can increase the tastitude of any dish instantly by up to 20% with a single droplet. CAUTION: Shake well before yuzu, sorry, use, and don't get in eyes.

Aspects

2008-11-02T14:07:00.002+09:00

Partly in response to enquiries from an NHK presenter, I threw together a set of pictures showing Japan through my eyes.

Japan's Entrenched Discrimination Toward Foreigners

2008-10-26T21:38:00.001+09:00

Examples of Discrimination
Originally uploaded by 神酒 Coal

Spent Saturday afternoon localising a scan of a comic found in the Japanese edition of the Asahi Shimbun showing common examples of discrimination in Japan. This was at the request of Debito Arudou to accompany the article he had translated for Japan Focus.

See the article here.

Hey Google!

2008-10-24T00:33:00.001+09:00

Thanks for letting me know that I had to change the CNAME setup at my domain in order to not suddenly have my blog go down for the last two weeks.

Truisms in Legalese

2008-10-20T17:51:00.001+09:00

I've been noticing a lot of truisms in legalese these days. For example, any Xbox or Xbox 360 game disc you happen to own will be imprinted with the following legend:

Do not make illegal copies of this disc

Note how it neither says "do not make copies of this disc" nor "it is illegal to make copies of this disc". Instead it limits its prohibition to acts of copying that happen to break the law, without being in the least bit specific about which acts of copying that may apply to. At a more general level, the prohibited nature of an illegal act is inherent in its illegality, so the words "do not" and "illegal" effectively cancel each other out, leaving us with the much more positive sounding message" make copies of this disc". If you insist Microsoft.

Another legal line you often see on game packages is as follows:

Unauthorised copying, reproduction, rental or broadcast of the information contained on the accompanying disc is a violation of applicable laws.

Applicable laws?! So in other words, "in such circumstances that there is a law prohibiting certain acts, then such acts would violate said law." Well no shit Sherlock! Again, it doesn't specify that such unauthorised acts are indeed illegal, and should such an act violate any law, it further doesn't specify which laws apply to which acts. All it really says is that "unauthorised copying, reproduction, rental or broadcast of the information contained on the accompanying disc may or may not break a law, we don't honestly know and never really thought about it."

Then we get onto warranties. The game I have on my desk at the moment contains this little gem in the manual.

Any applicable implied warranty, including warranties of merchantability and fitness for a particular purpose, are hereby limited to 90 days from the date of purchase and are subject to conditions set forth herein. In no event shall (company name) be liable for consequential or incidental damages resulting from the breach of any express or implied warranties. The provisions of this limited warranty are valid in the United States and Canada only. Some states do not allow limitations on how long an implied warranty lasts, or exclusion of consequential or incidental damages, so the above limitation or exclusion may not apply to you. This warranty provides you with specific legal rights. You may have other rights that vary from state to state.

Don't even know where to start untangling that mess of legalese, but if we strip away the fat, we get the more general meaning that "any warranty that you may or may not have is limited in nature unless it isn't. You only have the rights we say we told you you have (the ones that may not be true), unless you turn out to have some additional rights we failed to tell you we told you." Or to put it more simply still, "um..."

Nationality and Social Identity

2008-10-04T15:06:00.000+09:00

And why my social identity didn't suffer a crisis when I renounced my British citizenship in order to become a Japanese citizen.

I had a very interesting conversation on this topic recently, which encompassed such things as "I could never give up my nationality - it's my identity", the nature of the "monkeysphere" (AKA Dunbar's Number), and whether somebody that hails from a European country can ever really be "Japanese." This got me thinking about things in a way I hadn't really crystalised before, so I decided to get them down while they were fresh.

To me, my identity has always been defined by my moral compass, the decisions and mistakes I've made, who I choose as my friends/enemies, how I behave when I think nobody's looking etc. Knowing that changing the colour of my passport would have no effect on these things was how I was able to do so so easily. However it came to light that in addition to this "private" identity there is also a "social" identity which it seems is far more important to a great many people, or at least that's their impression. This all supposedly ties very much in with this concept of nationality, that the colour of their passport in a very real sense defines who they are.

Well, that may work for regular folk who never leave their home towns their whole lives, or not for any significant period of time anyway. After all, social identity is really a combination of upbringing, socialisation, cultural history, customs, language etc. and where these remain reasonably constant (insofar as a country's society doesn't naturally change over the course of a lifetime), making one's nationality representative of the culmination of all these things is a very convenient shortcut or abbreviation that makes sense to most people.

However the cracks in this shortcut start to show when people become mobile and relocate to other lands where the customs are strange. At first, it's often comforting to cling to that national identity, as exclusion from the host country's ways can be unsettling. After some acclimatisation though, when people start to adopt the language and norms of the host country, their nationality by itself no longer really does their social identity justice. For a while, it's easy enough to say "sure, I'm a citizen of country X, but I'm also partially socialised in country Y".

Add a few more years onto the stay, and a couple of quick visits back to country X though, and people start to discover that not only are they forgetting the social norms of country X, but country X is also forgetting them and moving on without them. This can often be a painful realisation. When it gets to this stage, one cannot honestly define one's identity as being a citizen of country X, because although it may be true on paper, it it's no longer an accurate reflection of what defines the person. At such times it's necessary to take a step back and try to separate the concept of nationality from upbringing, cultural history, language, customs etc. Thinking of one's social identity as being a hybrid of a dominant upbringing in country X with the later aquisition of rudimentary socialisation in country Y, paints a far more accurate picture than simply saying "I am a country X person".

So for me personally, at the time I decided to take Japanese citizenship, I was a British citizen with a British upbringing, native English skills, advanced Japanese skills, and a hybrid socialisation in both countries (I'd estimate 65% British, 35% Japanese). After getting citizenship, I was then a Japanese citizen with a British upbringing, native English skills, advanced Japanese skills, and a hybrid socialisation in both countries (I'd estimate 62% British, 38% Japanese - 18 months had passed in the interim...). My social identity hadn't changed, because there was nothing to warrant it changing.

It's just another reminder of the tendency in man's eternal struggle to exert less and less effort, to give catch-all terms greater significance than the concepts they're supposed to define, and often in ways that compromise understanding of said concepts.

/Random thoughts

More Works Published

2008-10-01T16:27:00.002+09:00

本門寺
Originally uploaded by 神酒 Coal

This picture together with another night shot of my local temple Honmonji (本門寺)has just been published as part of a piece on Honmonji and the O-Eshiki festival (October 11th-13th) in the ACCJ (American Chamber of Commerce Japan) Journal, October 2008 edition.

http://www.accj.or.jp/doclib/journal/Oct08.pdf
(Contents page and pages 45-46)

I'll be organising an FTPS photoshoot on 12th, which has the most active festivities and draws the most crowds during the three day event. If you're likely to be in the vicinity and fancy coming along, then by all means drop me a mail and I'll add you to the list.

Street Photo Terrorist

2008-07-18T12:10:00.001+09:00

Paparazzi!!
Originally uploaded by babybinjp

Been trying out some new photographic techniques lately, and this particular style has thus far generated some pretty interesting results. What's more surprising though is the overall positive reaction I've had from people as I walk up to them in the street and fire off a flashgun in their faces, and general indifference is about the worst I had to deal with. Others were not so lucky, with one poor soul getting chased down the street by an angry woman in her eighties.

Another Photo Assignment Winner

2008-07-09T13:41:00.003+09:00

The internet thinks I'm great! This time, it was the Canon EOS 40D Users group on Flickr, and the assignment for the week starting was titled Celebration (winner announced with the following week's assignment Friendship).

“i liked this photo because i thought it best represented the theme, and plus the poster said he lost his jacket in the process! anything to get the shot, right?! :o)”

Probably little purpose in entering the next one as I have to pick the winner, but it's all for fun anyway.

Shuetsu

2008-06-26T13:37:00.004+09:00

Shuetsu-tai
Originally uploaded by 神酒 Coal

For those not in the know, Shuetsu Sato is a JR station staff member who has become a minor celebrity based on his reputation for putting up very creative and aesthetically pleasing temporary signs made from duct tape to help guide passengers through re-routes during station renovations. Most notable is sans-serif font he designed which has come to be known simply as Shuetsu. As he predominantly works in Nippori and formally Shinjuku stations, both of which are in the northern part of Tokyo, I never had the pleasure of seeing his work until this morning when I discovered a mural size sign outside a station I pass on the way to work each morning. It even has his signature duct-taped in on the left.

What makes this sign particularly noteworthy is that this is not a JR station, and the information it gives has been true for many many years. It's therefore highly unlikely that this was put up in any kind of official capacity. What I think is more likely is that he had occasion to pass by the station, noticed a huge, blank, temporary wall, and just got on with it. Either way, several hours of labour has clearly gone into this piece of what could only be described as street art, and I think it was time well spent.

I emailed Mr Sato to enquire as to this. If he honours me with a response, I will report back.

Update

Got a nice detailed mail back from a Mr Takahashi on Sato's behalf. Apparently the construction company responsible for the renovations of Keikyu-Kamata station directly requested that he make a sign for them. As it wasn't strictly speaking his job, this meant heading down on his day off and spending a full working day on it. He then returned the following weekend, again on request, to add more lettering and generally make it nicer. Apparently he's very surprised at all the positive media attention he's been getting, as his motivation comes purely from a genuine desire to perform a useful public service. This fits well with my own general opinion that art should embrace utility.

One minor errata. Apparently he doesn't work directly for JR. He's actually a contractual guard hired by construction companies to assist in directing the public around works. In other words, one of the people you'd normally see swinging a lightsaber. He's currently assigned to reconstruction works at JR Nippori, and before that JR Shinjuku, hence the misunderstanding.

Month for Cracking Down on Illegal Foreign Workers

2008-06-05T11:08:00.003+09:00

Shop On Your Neighbours Month
Originally uploaded by 神酒 Coal

It's June, and the banners are back up in Shinagawa Station again, just as they are every year. One side reads "Month for cracking down on illegal foreign workers" and the other "Internationalisation within the rules". I don't think any explanation is required as to why putting these banners up is a poor reflection of the immigration authorities judgement and both rude and dangerous to the vast majority of foreign residents who have their paperwork in order.

Q. No, I believe further explanation is required. Please furnish said information forthwith.

A. In addition to ignoring that Japan has done very little to combat its international image as a human trafficker and in such circumstances this banner encourages people to effectively blame the victims, it gives the impression to the countless commuters that pass through the station every day that anyone who looks foreign should be treated with suspicion and reported. Visa statuses are private matters solely between the individual and immigration authorities (and in some cases, employers). They are not for the speculative amusement of everyday folk. As with the failed snitch site campaign of a few years ago, this creates a very dangerous tendency.

It's not only the Immigration authorities to blame for this. Shinagawa Station must also share in the responsibility. So in response to this, I would strongly recommend boycotting all businesses that have branches operating within Shinagawa Station, and making sure the businesses know why. This should start with Starbucks, which actually directly overlooks this xenophobic claptrap, so everyone with even a vaguely foreign looking face can feel discriminated against as they enjoy a latte in the rolled up newspaper Starbucks call cups (I'm already boycotting Starbucks for other reasons, namely their policy of putting drinks in paper cups by default, and the absolute suckitude of their coffee du jour aka the weakest link. I'll boycott them even more now). Also if anybody fancies getting arrested, June might be a good month to start patrolling Shinagawa Station with a sandwich board displaying any pet conspiracy theories you fancy, such as "BEWARE OF PEDOPHILIAC SALARYMAN GROPERS" or "JR STAFF ATE MY BABY" or whatever. If anybody official approaches you, simply point to the banner as precedent.

毎年の６月、入国管理局は品川駅に「不法就労外国人対策キャンペーン月間」と読む横断幕をかける。外国人のビザ状態は本人と入国管理局（と会社の人事部）の間の内密だから周りの人に対して容疑を持たないでください。

See the rest of the photoset here.

Kichijoji Koen

2008-06-02T21:10:00.003+09:00

Hula
Originally uploaded by 神酒 Coal

A very fun place to be on a Sunday afternoon armed with a Speedlite and a fishy.

See photos. 写真はここです。

Flickr Tokyo Photo Sessions February Winner

2008-04-08T11:37:00.003+09:00

That would be me then! The photo session was Odawara Castle and the nearby plum gardens, and the contest theme was "Up Close and Personal", which was left intentionally vague as many people don't have expensive macro lenses. I being among them decided against a second rate close-up of a flower in favour of the photo above, without honestly expecting I had a chance of getting anywhere with it. Perhaps the voters saw something in it I didn't.

Yey! I has interestingness!

2008-04-01T15:42:00.002+09:00

I'm in a group shot that came up in Flickr's "Explore" top page. Wonder how many billions of people got to see that then.

Mail Related Oddity

2008-02-20T13:37:00.002+09:00

Early in January, I migrated my domain mail server from Hostedmail to Gmail Apps, because it was clearly able to do a significantly better job of handling the 150 odd junk mails I was getting daily. Although I'd changed the MX record setting so that all incoming mail would go to Gmail, I left a link to the Hostedmail server so that I could log into the web interface (but not from work - for some reason they made it impossible to do so when they upgraded their software) just in case anything went wrong. Nothing went wrong, but having just logged in, imagine my surprise to find that there are at least 200 new junk mails received since I migrated, some as recent as this morning. As there is no possible way they could have come in from the outside, I have to conclude that Hostedmail are deliberately injecting junk mail into their users' accounts in order to promote their junk mail filters. Ironically, none of the mails had actually been caught and tagged by their junk mail filter, as they were all just sitting there in my Inbox. Yup, looks like migrating to Gmail was a sensible choice alright!

Flotsam and Jetsam - How Oasis Really Sound

2008-02-18T16:59:00.002+09:00

Saw this clip on Victor Lewis Smith's TV Offal a good decade or more ago, and prayed long and hard to the gods of YouTube that I would one day see it again. I even attempted (badly) to recreate it myself using technology, but to no avail. Today though, my prayers have been answered. I present to you, Oasis as they really sound.

Hey, movie studios!

2008-02-07T18:33:00.000+09:00

While I do think it's great that it's possible to put a digital 5.1 surround soundtrack on DVD releases of movies, giving those with a surround setup at home a truly enveloping cinematic experience, how about making use of one of the additional tracks available on the disc to include a re-mastered stereo version optimised for "living room" for the benefit of the remaining 98.2%* of the population that don't have such a setup, and sometimes also have neighbours to consider. I don't want to sound pedantic, but when I watch cinema-style TV shows like Lost or 24, they look great, and sound fantastic coming out of my TV's standard stereo speakers at a moderate volume. When I watch a film with a surround soundtrack though, the sound is invariably unbalanced to the point it utterly spoils the experience. When the sound is up loud enough that it's possible to make out the dialogue in my native language, music and sound effects are so loud they can be heard halfway down the road. Headphones exacerbate this, as I found out before giving up on the latest Harry Potter film on a long haul flight due to a combination of the music causing my ears physical pain and it sucking. Most of my DVDs I can't watch without English subtitles, and even then I'm constantly having to adjust the volume to match the sound output. Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you supposed to have done that for me?

* figure made up to emphasise point, and may be considerably higher than actual number.

Amusing Google Find

2008-02-01T13:25:00.001+09:00

Here was me innocently looking for a documentary called "Dangerous Cult" recommended by a friend, and imagine my surprise at the first result Google gave me. I don't know if the Church of Scientology decided to take a more honest approach with their keyword meta-tags, or if teh interwebs just had a Google-fart, but this may not be their best advertising strategy. They should perhaps stick to the free stress tests in shopping malls and Hollywood star flip-fests.

More odd junk mail?

2008-01-29T17:36:00.000+09:00

This is the latest in a series of wtf junk mails I've been finding in my very effective Gmail-hosted spam quarantine these past few months. It absolutely boggles the mind. Amusingly, he at one point refers to an earlier mail, which I did in fact receive... wtf?!

FBI preparations to Mukasey testimony before Senate Judiciary Committee on 01-30-08

Dear Madam and/or Sir,

I am sorry for taking your time again, but I have no other choice as to follow on the information sent to you and related to FBI lawlessness and to try thus surviving its retaliation which is presented below.

Thanking you in advance for your understanding, I wish you all the best.

Sincerely,

Slawomir J. Borowy

January 28, 2008

NOTE

for FBI Director Robert S. MUELLER

Re: Domestic terrors as the way of FBI preparations to the January 30, 2008 hearings of Attorney General Michael B. Mukasey before the Senate Judiciary Committee.

1. Making just to the point, on January 9, 2008 you announced the appointment of Mr. Arthur M. CUMMINGS, II to the position of executive assistant FBI director for National Security Branch - NSB to replace Willie HULON, but without specifying the effective date of change. As of January 28, 2008 the FBI website provides the conflicting information on who is in charge of NSB. Cummings is listed in its one page, but Hulon is named in its another one. On or about the same day, the name of Daniel Lee CLOYD, acting assistant FBI director for counterintelligence disappeared from its website without giving any reason after my revealing and distributing of information on his crimes as well as without naming anybody to replace him even temporarily. This looks like the FBI game of seek and hide at the level of kids to protect criminal Cloyd inside.

2. On January 28, 2008 at about 9:00 am, i.e. 12 hours before the State of the Union address by President George W. BUSH to U.S. Congress and the American people, I provided offices of Senators in Hart Office Building with the information on the Cloyd lawlessness which has been presented in my earlier email and which been combined, perfected and presented in the form of memoranda. The new information is that he and his FBI counterintelligence conducted its covert operations among others: (a) to have set fires in Senate restrooms; (b) to have acted through its informant in U.S. Capitol Police - USCP; (c) to have tried getting me and my wife arrested for the Cloyd crimes; (d) to have failed in doing so; and (e) to have sacrificed its informant to direct putting the blame on USCP.

3. Shortly after that I and my wife were subjected to obvious retaliatory domestic terrors for delivering the information to offices of Senators. This was enforced in the house of FBI informants where we had to do its sitting for the extended weekends usually from Thursdays to Mondays/Tuesdays during the homelessness imposed by its counterintelligence. The remaining days of each week the FBI puts us on the street after blocking the issuance of work permits and taking away all our jobs as independent subcontractors. For the privilege of doing the free-of-charge house sitting, I have had to perform various computers jobs, including their setups in the business of house owners without any pay. My wife has to clean their house at the half of prevailing market rate each week. For last 8 years we have been extorted thus over $70,000.00, part of which gets as financial cuts to FBI officials like Cloyd upon the demands of its attorney Lawrence (previous tel. no.: 202-324-1188).

4. Without going into details, we should and could be in the house when its owners are on the farm. Whenever they come back, they leave it within a half hours and go to their office in Washington, DC. We should leave their house before their return during the evening. The reason for such arrangement is that at their age of about 75 years old they change often their plans and stay a day or so longer on the farm, depending on their health conditions. For the last few years they have followed on such practice which ensures that their house is taken care all time. This has made possible that we prevented damages in their house like flooding and even fire.

5. On January 28, 2008 morning one of house owners told over phone that they would be back at about noon. He did not indicate that we had to leave before. He agreed to talk to me upon his arrival. He came in at about 4:00 pm. He was angry that he had to leave the farm. This was evidently contrary to his real plan, needs and state of health. He said among others: “The next time, I tell you over the phone the hour of our return. You must be out before.” This was the breach of our oral agreement. Earlier, he did not mind our presence in the house when he had to rest even. His wife asked us to be there when he had sudden health problem. Two weeks ago, I set up their third farm computer without the payment of $600.00 for the job.

6. On January 28, 2008 at about 4:30 pm, the house owner acknowledged that he had to come to Washington, DC although he did not feel well. Few minutes later, we left the house. We could not change our clothes even. He did not go to the office at such late hours. The overheard telephone conversation of his with wife revealed that they were compelled to return from the farm, contrary to their real plans. They could have done the same jobs on the farm, using my computer setups. Apparently, FBI criminals lack any common sense that a house sitter should turn over the property to the owner who can check whether everything is in order. Such solution makes more difficult for them to break in, to do some kind sabotages and to direct putting the blame on us for their purposeful damages. Recently, they specialized in blocking toilet and implying that we as “stupid Polaczeks” do not know how to use restrooms.

7. Evidently, FBI criminals try imposing a new rule to reflect what Fidelity, Bravery and Integrity means in their practice of NSB. Their faithfulness to duties of domestic oppressors is among others that they want to call in the house owners and to direct them putting us on the street whenever it suits their interest. The FBI courage comes to compelling that the house owners are to lie to us over the phone when they will arrive. The imposition of FBI honesty is to be that we are to obey and to be out of the house upon telephone calls from FBI to house owners and from them to us, contrary to oral agreement and despite our work done. What FBI criminals drive at in fact is that the house owners will be terrorized, will cancel our arrangement for the house sitting and will rob us of $70,000.00 in full. Thus, your subordinates involved in its counterintelligence want to get us on the street 7 days a week for 24 hours. They intend and to do with us for the good before we will have chance of trying to get a legal representation in coming weeks.

8. As the matter of the fact, I do not know who does what and who is in charge of what in the mess in NSB under your leadership. Like his predecessor Timothy BEREZNAY with the typical Russian last name, Daniel Lee CLOYD is beclouded as they would have hit the road to Moscow after my revealing of espionage and other criminal allegations. However, their methods of persecutions are intensified while a new FBI kid Arthur M. CUMMINGS, II is coming to its top level leadership and is or is about to be in charge of NSB. The showoff is to imply or to reveal his belonging to espionage ring of Russian intelligence services - KGB/SVF and GRU and their “Pol-ish” affiliate - WSI/SWW in the FBI. This is contrary to the simple fairness that he will settle in his new position and will demonstrate by his own action who is he, in fact and what he stands for. It requires giving him a little time, the luxury of which I can hardly afford.

9. On January 28, 2008 at about 4:40 pm the FBI counterintelligence put me and my wife on the street at the time when we got a flu. This is the outcome of Cloyd persecutions during the last week. We were homeless 107 hours of cold weather with temperature below 20 degrees F - minus 7.0 degree C and with strong winds. We could take altogether ca 6.0 hours of naps during 4 days. We were exhausted to the point of physical collapse. We got weak. Our immune system lowered. We have a slight temperature, headaches and sinus. We are to be 24 hours on the street for the next 3-4 days. We are not allowed to make money for buying more food. They block the issuance of our U.S. documents after the grant of political asylum. Your FBI has subjected us to such extreme tortures which have not been reported in interrogating terrorists in notorious Quantamo Bay prisons who are provided with meals. Your subordinates in question have done so to try eliminating my allegations which relate to their crimes for their personal enrichments, first of all. They could not have made the coverup for such crime. They have disregarded the breaches of FBI security that point to clear cut espionage from within its counterintelligence.

10. Thus, the FBI, especially Cloyd subordinates and others want to make us seriously ill, to prolong our homelessness and to cause our death. We do not have any health insurance and any place to stay inside and to get well. At the same time, FBI criminals continue to make fortunes on our $620,000.00 valued properties, including jewelry business they seized without any authority of law, but with the use of its power and resources for personal enrichments.

11. Without any doubt, WSI/SWW-GRU moles in the FBI counterintelligence try to do everything possible to prevent me from distributing any information on their lawlessness when on January 30, 2008 Attorney General Michael B. MUKASEY will testify before the Senate Judiciary Committee during its hearings on the oversight of the Justice Department. The same relates to February 1, 2008 talks of phoney CIA baby-boy Radoslaw SIKORSKI as a “Pol-ish” minister for foreign affairs with secretary Condoleezza RICE in the Department of State. He has protected communist Moscow graduates in Foreign Ministry in Poland. He does whatever he can to bring benefits to Russia. Thus, he has confirmed by himself that he is on the GRU leash. His wife is the Washington Post journalist Anne APPLEBAUM. His father in law is senior counselor Harvey M. APPLEBAUM of power house law firm of Covington & Burling, LPP in Washington, DC. This requires the separate elaboration on.

12. I am leaving up to you what you deem appropriate and right upon the information given above and provided in attachments. I hope the proverbial buck stops with you in the FBI as its director, instead of criminals and WSI/SWW-GRU moles in its counterintelligence and regardless of personnel changes.

Slawomir Borowy
Former Polish diplomat and participant in sensitive FBI projects to protect U.S. homeland security

cc: Honorable: President George W. BUSH, Vice President Dick CHENEY, Attorney General Michael B. MUKASEY, Deputy Attorney General nominee Mark R. FILIP, Senators and Representatives; Executive Assistant FBI Director Arthur M. CUMMINGS, II; Military, Diplomatic, Intelligence, Law Enforcement and Police Communities; self-proving criminal and WSI/SWW-GRU mole Daniel Lee Cloud in FBI.

The Greatest Website Ever

2008-01-29T10:20:00.001+09:00

Back in 1996, a humble commercial bleach company known as Clorox (est. 1913) set up a website. Little did they know that in doing so, they were setting the standard for which one day, some 10 years later, all well designed websites would be based. Thanks to the magic of archive.org, we are able to see what this website would have looked like through the naive eyes of a 1996 citizen.

What's so great about it then?
The interface is simple and clean, uninfected by banners, Flash, or unnecessary clutter. The wording is large and readable, and the basic menu items are clearly marked and appropriate. Whether you're a customer wanting to know about their latest cutting edge industrial bleach products, or a potential investor wishing to learn more about the history or investment opportunities available with Clorox, the selection you need to make is non-ambiguous and obvious. These are consistent with the ideals of Web 2.0, a standard that even now has not been fully realised, and I'm prepared to wager that at Web 2.0 conferences this site is featured time and time again as an example of what web designers young and old should all be aspiring to.

A look at some of the other websites available in 1996 shows that Clorox was a shining beacon in a sea of mediocrity. Let's hope that more companies will be like Clorox as rage through the 21st century.

Tearful Farewell to Get a Mac Campaign

2008-01-24T16:21:00.001+09:00

Guessing that the Get a Mac ads featuring comedy duo Rahmens and directed by Junji Kojima were not quite as effective at convincing a Japanese audience as had been hoped, it appears that Apple have now dropped the campaign. I think is a tremendous shame as it is my personal view that the Japanese versions were far superior to their American and British counterparts.

By way of tribute, I'm posting them all in the Get a Mac player below for your viewing pleasure, complete with the subtitles it took me nearly 3 minutes each to produce. Enjoy!

Infobar 2 - SevenShadesofAwesome

2008-01-19T20:56:00.000+09:00

Meet my new phone.

It's an Infobar 2, and is like trying to hold a bar of wet soap. While it is awesome in every conceivable way (and very photogenic on my kitchen work-surface), I once again have the same complaint I have had about every single mobile phone I have ever used in Japan. Why the c**ting f**k is it so damned difficult to enter an em space when you're trying to type a mail. I know, Japanese doesn't use spaces and these are Japanese phones, but it's fully bilingual, and in English mode it defaults to roman input, so you'd think there'd be some way of entering the single most common character in all Western languages. It's fine, sort of, if there's no text after the letter you're inputting - you can just cursor right twice and there's your space. If there is text after it though, like quoted text to a message you're replying to (which is there by default) then good luck trying to figure out how to do it. How did they not notice this? Did they even test it? It's not like you have to look hard. Simple testing process of mail feature.

Take phone with default settings.
Receive mail.
Reply to mail in western language.
Oooo! Found something that needs fixing there?

All is not completely lost as they did at least put an em space in the list of punctuation marks so you could enter it with 3 to 5 button pushes depending on what you've been doing recently, but this is far from convenient. For those interested, push the 記号 Z button twice, press the アプリ button twice, and then hit the enter button in the middle. In the list, it looks like an underscore.

I shall make a point this week of writing to whatever company made this phone (it isn't clearly marked, but apparently it's Sanyo) and asking how on earth this went by unnoticed. Maybe they can add it to the "0" button which currently is only used for entering zero in roman input mode, and put it out as an update.

While they're at it, perhaps they could fix the following:

Mail autosave: When entering a mail, if you press the hang-up button twice, it doesn't autosave the message as a draft like other AU phones do. What you entered is lost forever.
Photos: When you take a picture, if you choose to attach it straight to a mail, you have until the energy saver kicks in to confirm (about 10 seconds by default, and easily done if you get distracted). After then, it's gone forever. It should either autosave, or hold the photo in a cache until the next time you open the camera function like other AU phones.
Digital camera mode: Pictures larger than WQVGA (i.e. "digital camera" mode pictures) are automatically rotated to landscape, and then when you open them, they're fully zoomed to pixel proportion. There's no way to un/re-rotate them and to zoom out takes a very complex set of commands. If you can't immediately and easily review the pictures you've just taken, it is useless as a digital camera.

UPDATE

Translation: Some of the English interface is frankly strange. I put it on for convenience but I may soon switch it off as it's a tad confusing. "Flash lamp for unidentified alerts" would be better translated as "Flash lamp for unchecked alerts", as in, alerts that the user has yet to acknowledge. It was obvious reading the Japanese, but the English left me wondering what it was on about, and consequently I was mildly inconvenienced when the lamp stopped flashing as soon as the phone stopped ringing one time, and so I couldn't see there had been activity until I tried to use the phone an hour later. Yes, localisation is good, but this is the 21st Century. There's no excuse anymore for poor localisation.

Light Switch Pairings

2008-01-19T00:50:00.000+09:00

I spent a couple of weeks at my parents house near London over Christmas, and something I always remember about it from when I was little is that in the hallway and the landing there are two light switches - the one on the left of each is for the hallway and the one on the right is for the landing. Now, if you switch the left switch at the bottom it turns the hall light on. Then if you either flick that same switch again OR switch the left switch upstairs, it turns it back off again. It's just common sense; it's the way you expect it to be. My own house has a similar system for the corridor light, that there's one switch next to the front door and one next to the living room and switching either of them will reverse the current state of the light. I did go to a place once that had recently had the electrics renewed and they messed up somewhere, that if you switched the hall light switch downstairs and the lights come on, flicking the hall light switch upstairs does nothing. But then switching either switch again does not turn off the light. As such, both switches are positioned as absolutes, where both have to be up for the lights to be off, but if either or both are down the lights are on. It boggles the mind. That is what it has been like trying to use Windows this last couple of days just for something as simple as gamescreen capture, after using Macs exclusively for the past 6 years.

Tea Related Mystery

2007-12-24T17:57:00.000+09:00

This has been bugging me for a few days now, as I've noticed that a cup of tea made in England will still be almost too hot to drink after its been sitting there for ten minutes, whereas the same tea made in the same cup in Tokyo will be lukewarm in half that time. The only explanation I can come up with is that water in England is harder and perhaps that causes it to either have a higher boiling point or allow it to retain heat for longer periods of time. I appreciate though that this may be twoddle. Any amateur scientists out there able to help?

Asian-American Persecution Complex

2007-12-18T18:06:00.000+09:00

What is it about a good chunk of Asian-Americans that makes them think the whole western world is out to get them, and that any depiction of Asian culture presented by non-Asian people is inherently racist? Why, even The Japanese Tradition: Sushi came under attack for being anti-Japanese propaganda, despite it being written and produced entirely in Japan by Japanese people for a Japanese audience.

Why should I suddenly bring this up? I was just reading this review in the Guardian by Kiku Day (pictured right shoving a stick into her mouth) from a few years back about the film Lost in Translation (it was on Wowow a few nights back) going on and on about it showing a total disrespect bordering on hatred of every aspect of modern Japan while mocking its inhabitants, but with the exception of this one scene we all know about that should have been left on the cutting room floor where it belonged (yes, that scene), I saw nothing but a very accurate picture of modern Tokyo, and modern Tokyo people getting on with whatever it is they do for a living. Why does this writer have such a chip on his/her shoulder I thought. Then I got to the fourth paragraph... "The Japanese half of me is disturbed; the American half is too." and it all fell into place, for this is a tune I've heard many a time before.

Although the unfamiliarity of the milieux and the indecipherability of the language used as a metaphor for the protagonists' sense of alienation is not the most respectful thing you could do to a culture and people in general (and totally lost on me, as the milieux is my life, and I could understand the language perfectly), I would address some of the accusations as follows:

Bill Murray is a tall man, noticeably taller than the average Japanese. If he was in a lift with a bunch of Tokyoites, that is what it would look like. In general, Japanese do not have a complex about this, and why should they (more specifically, why does the writer think they should? Is this not in itself racist?) The scene was clearly to emphasise how uncomfortable Bill Murray's character felt, and how much he felt he stood out on arrival.

The shower. Showers are like that, even in top class hotels. The shower in my house has two rungs it can be hung on, and the top one is at about 173 centimeters from the ground, which is sufficient for an average height local. Bill Murray is very tall. The scene was there to show how uncomfortable Bill Murray's character felt.

Dignity of Japanese characters. This is a non-issue. With the exception of Mrs Lip (yes, that scene), everybody looked pretty normal to me. I've met directors and photographers who talk like the ones they portrayed, and the rather effeminate TV presenter is a real TV show that ironically is mocking the English. I've seen some pretty awful interpreters too, who half the time are just somebody on the staff that's done a bit of eikaiwa.

Lack of fleshed out Japanese characters. This is kind of the point. If they had properly fleshed out Japanese characters, the two western protagonists would not feel such a sense of isolation. This isn't actually a documentary about Japan...

And this isn't just some white supremacist's opinion. Ask pretty much any native of Japan that's seen it if they thought it was racist (except for that scene) and they'll just look at you with question marks.

I have seen this kind of criticism so often that I seriously have to ask why. Is it fun?

At Least 30% of Wii Users should have Stayed in the Womb. FACT!!

2007-12-12T02:05:00.001+09:00

This, of course, is only an estimate, as it doesn't account for those too stupid to have worked out how to install and start up the Check Mii Out channel. To-date, every contest in which you have to create and submit a "Mii" character based around a specified theme (e.g. Mario without his hat), when it comes to judging and you're presented with as many random samples of 10 submitted Miis as you like from which to pick winners, at least 3 from each sample will be so far removed from the specified theme that it can only indicate that a minimum of 30% of Wii users are either complete idiots, illiterate, suffering from some kind of multiple personality disorder, wet the bed, put shandy in their hamster's water bottle, enjoyed "Epic Movie" and "Superman Returns", or some ungodly combination of the above. Dark have been my dreams of late.

Debito the Mischievous Stealth Provocateur

2007-12-10T19:09:00.001+09:00

Well folks, let's take a look and see what mischief friend, activist, and fellow citizen Debito has been up to this week.

(Click to enlarge)

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 License.

Japanese Onlyって？

2007-11-28T14:38:00.001+09:00

さっき、Japan Timesに発送されたメールの冒頭にこう書かれました。別に間違いでもないけれども、この表現は下記のように二つの意味合いがありますので、お気を付けください：

その１：日本語しか話せません。英語等対応はできません。
その２：日本人しか歓迎しません。外国の方はお断りします。

一つ目は仕方ない事情を表しますけれども、日本語が話せる外国人なら問題ないでしょう。一方、二つ目は人種差別と判断され、読む外国人に対してかなり失礼でしょう。よくある問題なんですが、一つ目の意味で書く時、二つ目の意味を読むケースが多いので、「Japanese Only」と書こうとしたら、混乱させないようにより具体的な表現を使ったほうがおすすめです。例えば：

Only Japanese is spoken here（ここでは、日本語しか話せません）

Only Japanese are welcome here（ここでは、日本人のお客様しか歓迎しません）

(This site is) In Japanese only（このホームページは日本語だけで書きました）

(This site is) For Japanese only（このホームページは日本人だけのためです）

I hate English（英語が嫌いです）

I hate the English（英国人が嫌いです）

I hate the French（英国人が大歓迎です）

などなど。

このサイトでも同じこと言っています。

後もう一つの件。「世話」という言葉はよく「hospitality」と訳されますが、「お世話になります」を「Please hospitalise me」と訳されると反対の意味になってしまうので、を気をつけください。

Not normally in the habit of writing bilingual posts and I'm not about to start now, but this is something that really needs to be known about by the Japanese speaking community. The overused expression "Japanese Only" can obviously mean both "we only speak Japanese here" and "go home to foreign you big nosed and blonde haired devils you," and I've seen many the riot/minor inconvenience caused when it's been written with the intent of expressing the first idea but devoid of any English context, it gets read as the second. Some people tend to get a mite offended by that, and are quick to let the one causing same know, in the most threatening or personally amusing terms possible. All this could be avoided if only they'd elaborate a little on which one they mean.

Yes, it often does mean the second one.

Another unfortunately named product...

2007-11-26T18:53:00.000+09:00

Expected better from a major player like McDonalds. As a long time fan of the Kentucky Pepper-Mayo Wrapper, this just doesn't look apetising, and if the name is in any way indicative, I might just stick with what I know.

Hint: Say it quickly five times.

Parody of a Parody

2007-11-05T01:39:00.000+09:00

Sure we've all seen the SNL Dear Sister parody of a certain scene from The OC, and the million parodies it spawned quite some while back, mostly atrociously. Well now it's my go...

It would have been done a lot better if I'd used FCP I must admit. The timing could use work, and it would have been nice if I hadn't had to up-convert from 24 to 30 fps as that really messed with the footage. Still, I believe I was able to put what was in my head into existence. I may not have much time left for creative works, so I have to do what I can.

Incidentally, the music used is Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap, and is a surprisingly good piece of music. I would recommend it to anybody.

Classic Literature Collection for DS

2007-10-22T11:00:00.000+09:00

Nintendo and Chukei have just released what seems to be a fantastic piece of software called DS文学全集, a collection of 100 classic novels that can be read on the DS in one card, and the option to download additional novels as they're released. Brilliant idea, especially for somebody like me that's never had a chance to read much classic literature in Japanese. It would certainly be on my must-have list, if it wasn't for their sadly antiquated policy on furigana.

Furigana, for those that don't know, is the adding of phonetic readings to the top or side of characters the reader is expected not to be able to read, and as surprising as it sounds given the complexity of the writing system, it is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, if you're not familiar with a character or word, then having the reading written out is all you need to look it up in the dictionary in seconds. Not having the reading would mean taking a wild guess, or trying to find the characters in a kanji dictionary which is a time consuming process. On the other hand, if you are already familiar with the characters and the words (and the more you read, the more familiar you become obviously), the furigana readings become intrusive and distracting, as there's much more visual noise to wade through, and your eyes tend to naturally be drawn to the reading rather than the characters themselves. In traditional publishing, an editor has to determine which words will have readings and which ones won't by estimating the youngest target demographic, calculating which characters they should be familiar with (which is easily done thanks to a nationwide curriculum) and adding readings to all the others. In other words, they have to make a compromise that will distract some readers and alienate others.

With ebook readers becoming more popular though, this compromise is no longer necessary. A well designed reader would have a furigana setting in the options where you can set all words on or off, or specify familiarity in terms of Kanji-Kentei levels. Kanji-Kentei is a set of tests aimed at evaluating your ability to use the written language, with the lowest level being equivalent to the first year of elementary school, the second lowest being the second year and so fourth all the way up through 12 increasingly difficult levels. So if I were to set the furigana to level 10, then all words made up of the 80 characters I should know are left without furigana, and the remaining 6000 odd that I don't have a clue about have it added. And for those who really don't want to rely on phonetics but happily admit there are gaps in their knowledge (i.e. most of the entire adult population of Japan) a simple interactive furigana option would be nice. Either touch a word with the Stylus to reveal the reading, or if that seems like too much trouble, how about a hot key; press the button once to reveal all the readings on the current page; press again to hide them. Either way, the readings are only there when you specifically want them to be.

Sadly, Nintendo and Chukei did not have such foresight, so furigana readings on the 100+ classic novels of DS文学全集 are fixed at what looks like around year 6 (12 year old) level and cannot be changed. This is a waste and a shame, and I would hope that Nintendo could some day add a library to all their consoles that allow developers to implement interactive furigana with ease. I might just wait for the next version of DS文学全集 - hopefully they'll have figured out what a great contribution they could be making to the country's basic literacy by then.

Are you eating an artificial apple from the future?

2007-09-10T15:01:00.000+09:00

If like me you're sitting around chomping on one of nature's greatest delights, you might want to consider the probability that unless you personally picked it off your own personal tree, you may in fact be eating an artificially replicated apple from the future. In fact, you could arguably be considered quite naive to think otherwise.

The argument goes that in the future, as technology improves and natural resources become scarcer, that food replication using naturally occurring airborne nutrients will become a fact of life. Indeed, the crews of the fictional Star Trek universes would not be able to survive the depths of space without such scientific advances. That at some point in the future, apples will be artificially replicated for human consumption, is therefore undeniable. We also have to consider that as the world comes towards its natural closure, we will discover the means to time travel and make full use of it to escape our own fate. Some philosophers believe that there are no scientific reasons why bringing artificially replicated apples from the future could do any harm, and therefore we must conclude that this is happening, and only the question of degree remains. It's tempting to place the odds quite low, but when we consider that replication technology will be able to produce infinitely more apples than all the apple trees of the earth could ever do in a lifetime, you will see that naturally grown apples are only a tiny fraction of what's available to us today.

Personally, I have taken the path of denial. I'm quite happy to accept that the apple I'm now finishing off was grown from a tree with chemical fertilizers, the way god intended. This guy on the other hand, who has demonstrated very well the extent to which a Hollywood produced movie can permanently alter your perception of reality regardless of the suckyness of its two sequels, provided it contains sufficient special effects, long black coats and sunglasses, will no doubt be avoiding apples until he develops a way to check their origin. While he speciously goes to great lengths to show logically why we are almost definitely mere simulations on a grand computer somewhere in the future, he goes and ruins it all by including and then failing to elaborate on the following line:

Many philosophers and cognitive scientists believe that such brain-simulations would be conscious, provided the simulation was sufficiently detailed and accurate.

In other words, his entire premise hinges on the accuracy of personal baseless speculations of people that have no specialised knowledge on the topic. Without even needing to touch the crux of his argument, he's proved himself wrong just by this single line which ironically would have been better left out. The chances of brain simulations becoming conscious are zero, give or take zero. They may be able to imitate human brains enough to fool real people, but that's only as hard as adding an animated face to it. And they may be able to fool real brains into thinking certain things are real that aren't - we already know how to do that without computers. Creating a computer programme that has the same consciousness as humans though is impossible though because conceptually it does not make any sense. There are some very intelligently written books about these days, yet I don't hear anybody suggesting they will one day be able to think for themselves and appreciate their own existence.

And what if the simulation wasn't quite sufficiently detailed and accurate? Is there a cut-off point between the programme being aware and not being aware? Or would less detail and accuracy mean a lower level of conscious? That being so, it would be logical to assume that the first program I ever wrote in BASIC - print "hello" - would also have had a small degree of awareness, and perhaps could have chosen not to run when I asked it to. Stick to wildlife documentaries mate, and leave the science fiction to those of us who understand both words.

And another two Mac adverts

2007-06-19T13:33:00.000+09:00

Looks like Apple in Japan has been picking up speed, no doubt to draw attention away from the launch of the iPhone, which won't be available here any time soon/ever (delete as applicable). Here's they are, fresh from my subtitling desk.

For some reason YouTube has warped the colours a bit, so I'll re-upload them a bit later.

Latest Apple Ads

2007-06-03T23:56:00.000+09:00

Been a long time in the coming, but at last we have another two Apple ads, fresh from my subtitling desk. Nice to see Fumi Moriya from Shakaijin as “Excel” (pictured together with Taichi Shimamura from Shinzoku-Daihyo who you'll also recognise as “Entourage”) brighten the scene with her delightful presence. See "Japanese Tradition: Sushi" for a slightly younger, chubbier version of same, or "Japanese Tradition: Utage" (picture) for a somewhat wilder version.

See the other ads here, here, here and here.

WTF Kanji Tests

2007-06-01T19:55:00.000+09:00

The kanji being tested here under the "fetish" section of 大人の漢字練習 isn't nearly challenging enough for anybody mature enough to be subjected to the kind of perversion portrayed therein.

Dealing with Leeches

2007-05-29T18:07:00.001+09:00

We've all been in situations where we find ourselves confronted by a language leech, one of those people who appear at a time inconvenient to you for no other reason than to practice/show-off their English skills. Often, it's hard to be rude at their gall as their approach could easily be misconstrued as "friendly." This is just one weapon from the arsenal they each have at their disposal for ensuring you remain a complicit and willing host for their blood sucking activities. But it doesn't have to be that way - the weapons of the enemy are equally effective with you in control. Read on for some practical tips on ensuring your life blood isn't drained, or in the case of those of us that don't teach English for a living, to prevent an irritating itch from spreading.

Skill #1: Beating them to the punch

We've all had long one-sided conversations that start like this:

Leech: "Excuse me, but where are you from?"
You: "「どこどこ」出身ですが” ("I'm from [insert name of country here]")
Leech: "Oh, it sounds like you speak Japanese very well. It must be very hard for you to learn."

To the untrained ear, this sounds perfectly acceptable and polite, but don't be fooled. Anybody that's been on the island for more than a few weeks and has picked up any linguistic skills will recognise the real purpose of this opening, that being to establish the alpha male. An approximate translation is as follows:

Leech: "My foreign language skills are superior."
You: "No, MY foreign language skills are superior."
Leech: "Then I shall condescend you into submission."
You: (Rolls over exposing soft belly)

The subtle politeness of the condescension weapon conceals its true offensive potential, making a counter-attack seem almost... inappropriate. How can you show anything but gratitude to somebody that's just paid you a compliment?!

As it turns out, that is exactly the mindset we must turn on our opponent if we are to defuse this situation before it even begins. Beat them to the punch, putting them at the disadvantage. Observe the following example:

Leech: "Excuse me, where are you from?"
You: "「すごい！英語お上手ですね！難しいでしょう？” ("Wow! Your English is really good! It must be terribly difficult for you to learn!")
Leech: "あぅ、え〜と、そうですね。ありがとうございます。" ("Oh, um, sure indeed. Thank you for your kinds words.")

Quite a different result don't you think. The underlying power struggle translates roughly as follows:

Leech: "Observe and behold my superior language skills."
You: "Then watch me use MY language skills to condescend YOURS."
Leech: "Cock it! Run for the hills!"

Problem solved, or so it would seem. Don't relax yet though. Professional leeches have a little more in their arsenal than just that. At this point, they may employ one of the trusted counter-attacks that are near guaranteed to have you groveling in submission before they're even finished vocalising the final period. Amongst these, the most potent at guard busting ugliness is "the natto paradox."

Under normal circumstances when dealing with thinking, feeling, humans, a sure way to get out of conversations you don't want to be in is to choose the least inspired answer to any topics raised so as to bore your opponent away. The so called natto paradox has been keenly designed with exactly that in mind. The question in its purest form can only be answered one of two ways, and whichever way you answer, you will suddenly be thought of as in some way extraordinary. Before reading the two examples, note that the natto paradox can be about non-natto-related topics too, but of key importance is that under no circumstances will there be ever be any context. It will always be out of the blue, when natto (or whatever) is furthest from everybody's minds. Read on:

Conversation 1:
Leach: "Do you like natto?"
You: "Sure, yeah, I guess."
Leech: (Volume increases by 70%) "Wow! That's amazing! You're foreign... and you like natto! I've never met a foreigner that liked natto before, not that I asked."

Conversation 2
Leech: "Do you like natto?"
You: "Not particularly, no."
Leech: (Volume increases by 70%) "Of course you don't. Silly asking really. You're foreign, and foreigners don't like natto. That's a fact, and you've proved it. Only we, the unique Japanese can appreciate its slightly salty and sticky taste you see, banzai banzai long live the emperor or something, I wasn't paying attention."

You might be thinking at this point that simply saying you've never tried it will suffice. This merely evades a single instance of a chain attack, and mark my words they will relentlessly try and try again without mercy until they find something, anything, that you like, or dislike to any degree.

As it's impossible to answer this question without having an uncomfortable scene caused, the trick to defusing the situation is not to answer. Or more specifically, to avoid answering without your opponent noticing that this is what you've done. This is the verbal equivalent of pointing in one direction, saying "look over there," and then running in the other. Two highly effective techniques are the Babbler and the Connoisseur.

Skill #2: The Babbler

Leech: "Do you like natto?"
You: "If you mean 'do I want to eat natto, right now?" then that's a definite NO! I'm absolutely stuffed! At the MOS* round the corner, they've got a two for the price of one special on with their chilli-tomato cheesedog burgers, and I just ate three, a double three, six. With a double helping of fries. I don't think I'll be eating for another week, but it's a very kind offer... Mr... what was your name again?"
Leech: "Um... Suzuki."
You: "Oh, Suzuki, like the fish. And you live round here do you?"
Leech: "Um... Yes?"
You: "Then you should really try out that MOS special they've got on. WoooWeeee! How old are you by the way? Are you married?**"

* Take care when choosing an establishment. Any hint of "unique Japaneseness" or "unique foreignness" will be spotted and exploited, rendering your defense ineffective. Sushi and McDonalds are good examples of ones to avoid.
** Try to turn it into a one-sided Q&A session if at all possible, before they get a chance to. This is the very nature of using the weapon of the enemy.

Skill #3: The Connoisseur

Leech: "Do you like natto?"
You: "I have to say my experience has been really a very mixed bag, as a quick perusal through any supermarket refrigerator section will bring you an awful lot of chaff for even the slightest hint of wheat. Though that's not to say there aren't some gems out there though. Generally the type that employs an artificially induced starter of bacillus subtilis natto will give a consistent but often uninspired result. You take your chances with straw, but it can certainly be argued that the benefits outweigh the risks, if chosen carefully. What particular kind did you have in mind?"
Leech: "Gosh, you know natto very well. Much more than Japanese people.*"
You: "So you mean the cheap kind then. You get what you pay for I suppose. Might I suggest Hama-natto. It's not for everyone, but if you can find some locally I think you'll be pleasantly surprised."
Leech: "..."

* Note the strained attempt to turn the situation round by condescension. Under no circumstances should this be acknowledged.

That's all we have time for this week. Next week, we'll be looking into dealing with chopsticks related compliments made while you're actually sitting eating with them, some more hints on the natto paradox including the "you eat bread with every meal of course?" and "have you ever been to a Japanese onsen?" lines of enquiry, and as a bonus, how to enjoy the full paralysing effect of my current favourite answer, "I'm here to bury my father." Watch this space!

Sushi Damacy: Reading fish

2007-05-29T17:11:00.000+09:00

Ever wondered what the readings are for all those fish-based kanji you see at sushi-ya and fishmongers? The Kanken DS software has a bonus game dedicated to learning (or more specifically, testing) exactly that. Make one mistake and you have start again from the beginning, and the order changes each time. Only those truly possessing the soul of sushi stand a hope of answering all 45 correctly.

Although there's no actual time limit, I did it as a speed run. How many would you have got?

Note: There's no sound in the above video.

I hate VLOGs

2007-05-24T18:18:00.000+09:00

Video camera: check!
Nothing worth saying: check!
Want people to think you're great and send you stuff: check!
Why not have a go at VLOGing?! And that's exactly what I did.

Now I could make up some excuse like "I freeze up in front of cameras and that's why my Japanese sounds so shyte," but truth be known, I do freeze up in front of cameras but my spoken Japanese sucks elephant cock anyway. I only managed to get it sounding reasonably OK in front of the camera by doing multiple takes... That being said, I'm getting bored just thinking about VLOGing again, so I can't see any repeat performances in the pipeline. At the same time though, I can't say it's something I regret.

Remembering Kanji Stroke Order

2007-05-23T15:18:00.000+09:00

Anybody that's ever purchased a basic kanji guide (not including the faux-kanji snake-oil guide by Heisig) will have been merely whelmed by how simple the basic stroke order rules are as outlined in the opening chapters. Once you learn the basic patterns, the kanji practically write themselves it would seem. Why is it then that even native adults continue to cock up some of the simplest kanji on a regular basis then? Fact is there are sufficient inconsistencies in the rules to warrant an entire chapter dedicated to this particular topic. I don't have a chapter, so here are some of the more obvious ones.

We'll begin with the deceptively simple "hand" element comprising one horizontal stroke (left to right) and one near vertical stroke (top to bottom-left). Which stroke comes first depends on the character or component being constructed. Thankfully, there are only 5 to choose from, those being 左, 右, 友, 有, and 布. Out of these:

左 and 友 are written horizontal → vertical. This also applies when the character is used as a component of a more complex character such as 佐, 惰, 抜 etc.

右, 有, and 布 on the other hand are written vertical → horizontal. Likewise, these also apply when components of more complex characters such as 若, 堕, and 希.

石 is written exactly as you'd expect - horizontal → vertical.

Next we come to the similarly deceptive element 厂. From the outset,this seems fairly simple - horizontal → vertical under all circumstances e.g. 原, 厘, 振. Add an apostrophe and the order remains the same e.g. 麻, 庭 etc.

However, when the horizontal stroke is either hooked (虎), crossed through (成) or both (皮) then the order changes to vertical → horizontal.

Additionally, watch out for slightly diagonal horizontal strokes such as found in 斤 and all compounds therein, such as 近, 浜 etc. - the horizontal stroke is drawn first from right to left followed by the vertical stroke, as two separate strokes.

Next comes 王 and variations of. In its two main forms 王 (全, 球 etc.) and 玉 (国, 宝 etc.) the stroke order is consistent - top horizontal → centre vertical → centre horizontal etc. and the apostrophe always comes after the final horizontal stroke in 玉.

In the case of 金 (鍛, 鑑 etc.) however, the order changes from top horizontal → centre horizontal → centre vertical. Again, the two apostrophes come after the final horizontal stroke.

And speaking of apostrophes harshing our respective mellows, look out for these in groups underneath 人 shapes such as 大 or 夂. With groups of one or two apostrophes, the direction of the stroke should match the final preceding stroke of the 人 element e.g. 太 or 冬. When there's three apostrophes, the direction switches to oppose the final preceding stroke e.g. 参, 修 etc.

Finally 匚 vs 囗. This is very simple and consistent, but it's easy to slip into bad habits.

In the case of 囗 such as used in 国, 図 etc., the left vertical comes first followed by the top horizontal and the right vertical as a single stroke. The inner content is then drawn, with the bottom horizontal drawn last.

匚 on the other hand, as used in 医, 区, 欧 etc. starts with the top horizontal stroke, followed by the content. The left vertical stroke and the lower horizontal stroke are drawn together in the shape of a capital "L" as the final single stroke of the component. This may feel awkward if you're used to writing it another way, so get used to it.

This has barely even scratched the surface, but hopefully will go some way to showing that even the inconsistencies have some consistency to them, and that mastery of the kanji should be that much closer to being within reach.

Woman Wars, aka Women: the unfairer sex

2007-05-09T15:14:00.000+09:00

While I'm in the habit of openly ripping off other people's artistic styles, here's my new abridged script of the Japanese TV drama "Fushin no toki: Woman Wars" released last Autumn, in the inimitable style of The Editing Room's Rod Hilton.

FADE IN: INT. TOKYO, DETACHED SUBURBAN DWELLING, an IDEAL ENVIRONMENT for CHILD REARING KEN ISHIGURO approaches the audience to preface his tale.

KEN ISHIGURO I am the male protagonist of the piece, and despite my having an illegitimate child with YUKI MATSUSHITA, who is both older and less attractive than my apparently infertile wife RYOKO YONEKURA, not to mention a second illegitimate child from a former transgression which is never really delved into, I represent the most sympathetic character in this charade. I just hope my wife doesn’t find out. RYOKO YONEKURA Find out what? That you had a son/daughter with the older and less attractive YUKI MATSUSHITA? Thankfully, I am already determined to beat the odds and have my own child out of sheer spite, destroying your life in the process, because of a single drunken throw away comment you made some years back that wasn’t directed at me and I may have misinterpreted. Consequently, I find it hard to really be any more annoyed with you than I already am. KENTAROU KOIZUMI Yes, it would certainly be a double standard for your husband’s philandering to be the soul source of your annoyance. I’ve seen the way you look at my calligraphy brush. RYOKO YONEKURA Naturally, I won’t mention that you’re the infertile one until after you’ve burned your bridges with YUKI MATSUSHITA, and started to form a relationship with my child who you had also assumed to be yours. KEN ISHIGURO Me? infertile? How could this be? RYOKO YONEKURA The doctor said. KEN ISHIGURO But I already have one, or possibly two other children – I wasn't paying attention. RYOKO YONEKURA The doctor said. KEN ISHIGURO Then I shall take you at your word. This does not bode well. How could my life possibly get any worse?!

Phone rings.

SOME RANDOM BLOKE My wife just left me and took all my furniture. Women are all bastards! KEN ISHIGURO Sorry, who is this?

INT: TOKYO, URBAN STUDIO APARTMENT, a LESS SUITABLE ENVIRONMENT for CHILD REARING

KEN ISHIGURO Are you sure this boy/girl’s mine? You see I’m apparently infertile which brings my fatherhood into question. My wife RYOKO YONEKURA told me the doctor said so, and despite her harbouring a long term grudge, having a supposedly sperm-bank child out of spite, and being determined to destroy my life by all means at her disposal, I have no reason to disbelieve her nor to seek a second opinion over something so apparently trivial. YUKI MATSUSHITA How dare you even suggest such a thing. Just for that, I shall blackmail your company costing you your job and the pension fund you spent your entire adult life accumulating.

She does.

KEN ISHIGURO Piss! How could my life possibly get any worse?!

KEN ISHIGURO goes into a coma and dies.

RYOKO YONEKURA Oh no! I care slightly!

EXT. TOKYO, LATER

YUKI MATSUSHITA Well, the important thing is that I’m left with the business I established using money extorted from a man who can now never come after me, I have my very own trophy son/daughter minus the inconvenience of a male partner, and am generally happy with the way things have turned out. Life has never been better! RYOKO YONEKURA I too am in the same situation, but strike “business established using extorted money” and replace with “two storey detached suburban dwelling, twenty five remaining years of mortgage payments, and no visible means of income.” Life indeed has never been better! KEN ISHIGURO And I shall be back from the grave next season to exact my imaginative revenge upon the living.

Everybody wins, except the brow-beaten husbands who had been made to sit through the entire series by their overbearing wives. END

More (predominantly) Japan based comic strips

2007-04-28T10:31:00.000+09:00

Here's the latest in my batch of copycat comics (courtesy of the amazing XKCD). Enjoy!

InDesign CS2: Clumsy and Inconsistent

2007-04-25T11:44:00.000+09:00

But still a huge improvement over Quark XPress 4.1.

The day finally came that my office joined the 21st Century. While the majority of us have been piloting flying cars in outer space for the last 7 years while wearing silver suits that are just a tad too baggy round the legs and drinking our food through some kind of futuristic space straw, everyone around me has been stuck sitting at desks operating the archaic OS9, because it's still considered a print industry standard. No more though - we are at last in the process of upgrading to OS X (that's pronounced OS ten, just like its cousins Windows tempy and Linyaten) bundled with the complete Adobe Creative Suite CS2. And the single most significant application among them as far as my own workflow is concerned is InDesign, Adobe's direct challenge to Quark.

For the past few weeks I've been exploring InDesign, trying to work out how we can get it to work for us, and my conclusions are double edged. On the one hand it is a huge improvement over even the latest version of Quark which has all the elegance of Quark 4.1 run in Classic. Simple features such as transparency and drop shadow support, the story editor, tables, nested objects and object styles have been a constant source of bewildered stares as the people around me try to figure out how they ever worked without them. On the other hand, there are numerous inconsistencies and issues outlined below that can be both frustrating and baffling, and I would really like to see improved on by CS3. (As CS3 is already available, I invite comments from people that have direct experience).

Page Jumps
Trying to keep track of all the "see page xx" references can be a colossal task that the software should really be doing for you. It's a logical extension of the index and contents feature and should be included. A $200 USD third party plug-in that does this and nothing more is quite insulting.

Table styles
I like the way that InDesign interconnects paragraph and character style sheets, and object styles are a gift from the heavens. Adding table styles to the collection would be perfection.

Table borders
These are confusing as hell to set. It's like they copied Excel, but deliberately sabotaged the interface to avoid software patent infringement. I've been fiddling with these for nearly a month and still cannot do the simplest thing without a lot of trial and error.

Table cell auto-expansion to accommodate anchored objects
Doesn't happen. Anchored objects in table cells just hang over into the next cell below, meaning you have to set the cell height manually. Once you do that, you may as well throw the whole idea of consistency of appearance out the window.

Text wrap on anchored objects doesn't work within table cells
It just doesn't. Why does Adobe think that images anchored within tables should be exempt from text wrapping under all circumstances? Does having text appear behind graphics so it cannot be read satisfy some need I haven't thought of?

Text wrap on anchored objects doesn't affect the line it's anchored to
The help files mention this is the case, but doesn't explain why. I for one cannot think of a single situation where this would be useful, but without even having begun serious production I have come across countless situations where the text wrap becoming effective from the line it's anchored to would be essential. Instead I have to find workarounds, which I shouldn't need to do.

Text wraps around embedded clipping paths beyond the boundaries of the container box
WTF. That's all I have to say on the matter.

Object styles apply to grouped items individually
They should apply to the group as a whole. This seriously detracts from the value of object styles.

Missing features from paragraph styles
Too many to mention all, but stroke settings on outlines, stroke colour on automated bullets/numbering, and removal of settings from child styles (e.g. a font is set in a child style, but you want to remove the setting so the font reflects that of the parent style) are at the top of my list.

Expand appearance
Entering Illustrator territory here, but InDesign could use this too, especially as it supports converting text to outlines.

Half-hearted support for callouts
We've got the lines and the little circles to go on the ends, but there's no way to put a white outline around it.

Edit original doesn't work properly
If the original is an image file associated with Preview, then that's the application it opens with. There should be a choice of application to edit with. Furthermore, if you edit original with an embedded file using say Photoshop, hitting save brings up the Save dialog. You cannot save it back into the document.

Phantom fonts
Mysterious non-existent fonts that appear in Preflight as problematic but are not detected by the Find Font feature. Woooooooo! These are especially apparent when pulling data in from Quark 3J. Likewise non-existent fonts that can be freely used, and it doesn't tell you they're non-existent until you go to package it. Wooooooo!

Doesn't play nicely with Illustrator CS2
When exporting a page as EPS, white boundary lines appear around objects requiring raster effects.

Still no view orientation
This actually applies to Photoshop and Illustrator too, and I've been asking for this feature now for years. Why is there no way to orientate the view? Often when you're working on a package design, large sections are upside down because of the physics of expanding a package into a flat sheet. I don't want to do large sections of design work standing on my head. Allowing the view angle to be changes is as obvious as having a zoom function.

These are just for starters. I'm sure I'll be expanding this list before too very long.

Flotsam & Jetsam part 2

2007-04-25T00:56:00.000+09:00

As promised, the last in my flotsam & jetsam series, here is a classic unheard of series from the classic unheard of series "This Morning with Richard not Judy" (以降 TMWRNJ) called "Sunday Heroes." This is quite possibly the most brilliantly childish critique of the teachings of Jesus ever made. It's also very quotable, most likely by design.

Aaaaaaaaah!

Flotsam & Jetsam part 1

2007-04-24T01:18:00.000+09:00

Before this becomes habit, I'm going to make this the second last random YouTube I post for a while.

I originally saw this back in the mid 90s on the wireless and wished to my deity of choice or lack of that I'd taped it because the final line now owns a luxury condo with a beautiful sea view, rooftop pool, and ample parking, in my head. I was going to try and do my own wedding video up like this, and recommend it to a regular reader who's fiancée I'm sure would be thrilled, but then it's really not the done thing is it.

This was a shining nugget of gold in an otherwise stinking pile of horseshit.

Japan based comic strips

2007-04-19T22:21:00.000+09:00

Disclaimer: I in no way deny that the style of both drawing and humour has been directly derived from the most amusing comics at XKCD. Given the Creative Commons licence that the author uses, I am of the opinion that he would take the blatantly obvious similarities as a compliment! I also find it highly unlikely that the author will understand any of these jokes as the topic matter is very very different to his (and that of course is where the humour is), though I'll gladly explain if he wishes to get in touch.

That out of the way, I now present my own sarcastic take on a number of issues I honestly doubt anybody will understand.

Alright, I can't draw for shit. Or write.

Genki English on NHK

2007-04-10T21:11:00.000+09:00

To many expats in Japan, especially those that purport to teach “serious” English, “Genki English” has become something of a generic term of non-endearment for the style of teaching that focuses on dressing in a clown/bear suit, dancing in front of the kids, and generally trying to play entertainer at the expense of any kind of actual learning potential. The original Genki English however were really not all that much like that at all, as this NHK documentary attests. As promised over a pint or five in Shibuya a week or so back, mate Will of Nihongojouzu and former member of Genki English has had pride in his achievements enough to put these up on YouTube, and I think there's something we can all learn here.

This doesn't mean I'm through with the Genki Richard Photoshops. Not by a long shot!

I've been linked to by PowerPage.org

2007-04-03T01:13:00.000+09:00

Judging by the sudden influx of visits, it seems the link is now up. Jason "I got sued by Apple and lived" O'Grady has posted an article talking about the Apple advertisements I translated.

If you've just strolled in from Powerpage, click the Apple tag to see the original postings (not much text content), or the Rahmens tab if you're interested in other works by the same actors and production team.

Paraffin and Soda-Stream anyone?

2007-04-01T17:18:00.000+09:00

For those of you not familiar with happoshu, it's an ungodly concoction made to taste like beer, but without containing enough malt for it to actually be classified as beer. It's a sneaky tactic to get around the extortionately high tax that only applies to beer itself, so it sells for approximately two thirds the price. The very obvious downside is that the malt content is less than one third that of beer, which considering what an important ingredient it is, means it's packed full of chemical flavourings. It tastes revolting, and gives you a surreal hangover like you can't imagine. It goes without saying that a beer lover like myself will not allow this un-beer past my lips, nor indeed the threshold of my house. There's nothing worse when having a house party, when somebody obliviously or maliciously purchases a six pack of happoshu, sticks it in the fridge, and then proceeds to drink the expensive real beer that somebody else has paid for. You don't get away with that kind of cheapskatery in MY fridge, which is why my house now has a NO HAPPOSHU directive (see photo). Those of you that are already familiar with happoshu can skip this paragraph.

As if happoshu wasn't already bad enough, along came the next generation of evil called "sonota no zasshu (2)" ("Other miscellaneous (2)") boasting less malt than ever before! Malt content is entirely replaced with some kind of pea or soy protein. Yummy! It tastes as bad as it sounds, only worse. But the worse is yet to come, or more specifically, has just arrived in the form of a rather appropriately named beverage called "Style Free." This not only contains less than 25% fermentable malt content, but additionally contains no sugar. Although it's been a few years since I attended science classes, I was always led to believe that yeast required sugar in order to both produce the alcohol and carbonate the beer. If this indeed contains no sugar, then one can only assume that it's made from an artificial beer flavoured syrup laced with paraffin, and then gotten busy with the fizzy via a Soda-Stream syphon (unless of course they mean that only the amount of sugar the yeast required to turn the chemical laden beer flavoured syrup into a cocktail was added, but I'm not convinced that sounds any better). I honestly can't think of anything I'd want to drink less. Actually, I just did think of something, and I'm off to the toilet now to throw up.

So we have something that is already evil beyond words, but then they take that extra step to make it just that tiny bit worse. A variety of images come to mind that could be quite effective as advertisements. We could have Adolf Hitler out in his ranch sniping at cute baby kittens with a shotgun, while enjoying a can of Style Free. Or possibly Osama Bin Laden relaxing over a can of Style Free with his new associates, the Clu Clux Clan. Or how about Jim Jones enjoying a refreshing can of Style Free while pissing into a vat of Flavor Aid™. The possibilities are absolutely limitless.

A wise man once said that anybody who's willing to sacrifice freedom for a little security deserves neither. I think that's true here too - anybody willing to sacrifice the great flavour and purity of beer for a little saved money deserves to spend their head down the toilet, for the rest of their lives.

Heisig Method - can you read 蛇油?

2007-03-27T12:05:00.000+09:00

It's been asked before, what do I have against the Heisig Method? Put simply, I strongly believe this method gives learners a significant short AND long term disadvantage over traditional study methods, and the only reason people think the Heisig Method has helped them is because they either a) have not themselves tried investing equivalent time and effort using a traditional method, and/or b) are way overstating their own progress, something the Heisig Method actually encourages.

Remind me - what's the Heisig Method again?
It's a system of learning the Joyo (standard officially recognised) Kanji, on which the Japanese writing system is based. Book 1 teaches you to recognise and write the entire kanji set by associating each character with a keyword using mnemonics in just 6 weeks/months. They are taught in a "logical" order whereby key component parts are introduced followed by the bulk of the characters that use them. In principle, mnemonics are a good way of *holding* abstract information in short to mid-term memory until such time as it's properly internalised, and the logical ordering certainly makes more sense than the traditional order that native children are taught. The catch though is that the logical order bears no relation to frequency of usage, so you will learn characters right off the bat that I have never seen used in context, while some simpler characters that you'll use 100 times a day aren't introduced until the final chapters. Ignoring the less than minor detail that you're likely to retain the characters you learn early for much longer due to their relative head start and the much more detailed analysis they all get, this ultimately isn't deemed important as you're very specifically not given any means to use the characters until book 2. Book 1 teaches you each character, a keyword, and a way to associate the two. Anything else will detract from this. Do not use in conjunction with any other learning. Heisig is crystal clear on this point.

Book 2 expands on book 1 by teaching you the readings, or the Chinese readings anyway - Japanese readings which are much harder to remember seem to have been skipped. Nobody I've spoken to has ever had anything positive to say about the second book, and most that swear by the method skipped over it altogether, so for the sake of argument we'll take “The Heisig Method” to refer predominantly to Book 1.

2000 odd kanji in 6 weeks/months sounds great! What's your beef?
My beef is that recognising is not reading, and writing is not using. After 6 weeks/months of dedicated study to Book 1, you may feel a great sense of achievement, but you've really learned next to nothing. You've internalised even less. Your Japanese skills will have progressed not even slightly. Now you may think you've invested your time wisely creating a vast skeleton of knowledge that can now be fleshed out with useful information like the readings, and build such a skeleton you most certainly have, but invested time wisely I think otherwise. The reason I say this is because remembering how to recognise and write each character and associate them with a concept is the easy part, and once the characters are properly internalised you no longer need the skeleton of keyword associations. What's hard is remembering the different ways to read them, the different compound words that use them, and that is what takes the bulk of the time and causes the misery in learning. Learning to recognise and write them is so instinctive and natural that the whole process of memorising them in the abstract beforehand can safely be skipped in its entirety. Being able to recognise the characters before you learn to use them really offers you no advantage.

So let's take a look at how this works in practice. We'll take two equally motivated twins of equal background and ability, both starting from zero on the same day. Adam takes the Heisig Method and ONLY the Heisig Method as directed in the preface. Bob takes a more traditional approach by studying the kanji in the same order that native children learn them, picking up the Chinese and Japanese readings, and a few examples of usage as he goes along. He's also studying the spoken language, and practicing by reading the news (which he finds he can do almost straight away because the most commonly used kanji are learned first, and he knows the readings so he can look up compound words in the dictionary quickly).

After six months, Adam has come to the end of book 1 and is confident that he can recognise (by Heisig keyword) and write all 2000 odd kanji. He cannot read any of them, and still speaks no Japanese because that's forbidden by the method, but is overall pleased by his progress. By this point, Bill's progress appears more slow - he only knows 1006 kanji. However, that 1006 kanji are the most commonly used and are required to be considered functionally literate. The really common ones he learned early and has now fully internalised. For each character he knows a concept, all the main readings, a number of words he's already familiar with from reading practice, all of which provide a plethora of hooks to aid recollection. His motivation is as strong as ever because he can see his progress every day. He's also conversationally fluent. For Adam to reach this level, it will take him another 5-6 months because what he already learned is almost completely non-beneficial. An during this time Bill will have become similarly fluent in the remaining 1000 kanji. Adam's use of the Heisig Method has basically given Bill a six month head start.

According to Bill, the best part about learning using a traditional method is that each time you go back and revise, you spot new uses of characters you already learned, which serves to constantly reinforce them. “Making a little story to explain the composition of the characters was useful for the first 100, and I'm glad I had that $5.99 book ‘Kanji for Beginners’ to help me with that, but after I had that base, remembering characters became instinctive.”

So remember kanji learners, the Heisig Method does everything it claims to. Why not find out for yourself just how little that means.

(Note: 蛇油＝Snake Oil)

A Question for Encryption Experts

2007-03-19T16:46:00.000+09:00

This one's been bugging me for a while now, and concerns dual key encryption systems as implemented in web browsers for the purposes of secure transactions, as well as people exchanging public keys before encrypting their own mail.

First off, the basic principles of encryption as I understand them - Alice wants to exchange messages with Bob by email but doesn't want her ex-boyfriend Chris to be able to intercept them. Chris unfortunately is in an ideal position to intercept them as he works at Alice's ISP running largely unchecked with root privileges, and is highly motivated. Any internet communications coming from or too Alice's machine he can access invisibly. Hence the need for encryption.

Alice and Bob had previously tried exchanging messages using a single key encryption system - one where a single key both locks and unlocks the document. This relied on both of them knowing the key, so in order to prevent Chris from getting access to it, they had to find another way to communicate it. In the end, Alison decided on a key and mailed it to Bob. She has no idea if Chris intercepted it along the way by way of his twin brother who works at the post office.

Then they discover dual key encryption. The principle works by both Alice and Bob having their own unique private key and their own unique public key. A document locked by a particular public key can only be unlocked by the corresponding private key, so they can freely exchange these public keys by mail safe in the knowledge that Chris cannot use them to unlock their communications. The process would look like this:

Step 1: Alice mails Bob her public key.
Step 2: Bob mails Alice his public key.
Step 3: Alice writes a mail to Bob and encrypts it with Bob's public key.
Step 4: Bob opens the mail using his private key, which only he has.
Step 5: He replies, encrypting the response with Alice's public key, etc. etc. etc.

Meantime Chris intercepts all communications, but only having the public keys, can do nothing about them. A system so perfect that secure transactions via regular browsers invisibly follow a similar routine.

So the part I don't understand... As Chris is in a position to intercept and interfere with all incoming and outgoing communications from Alice, what is to stop him replacing both Alice's public key in step 1 and Bob's public key in step 2 with his OWN public key? Then at step 3.5, the mail gets as far as Chris, encrypted with what Alice assumes is Bob's public key but is actually Chris's. Chris decrypts the mail, then re-encrypts it with Bob's real public key, and allows it to continue. Likewise at Step 5.5, Chris intercepts the mail from Bob just before it gets to Alice. Again, Bob assumes it's Alice's public key but it's really Chris's, who then decrypts it, and re-encrypts it with Alice's real public key. The whole set-up is automated, so there's no time lag, and neither Alice nor Bob are any the wiser.

Put this into a secure web transaction scenario and it starts to look even more feasible, as the key exchange would not be done via cleartext mail but via an easily identifiable, fully automated protocol based exchange. And given that most likely credit card information is being exchanged, the motivation factor is also there. What is it that stops a malicious ISP employee, or a zombie ISP server from being able to use this to harvest its users' credit card details?

Answers anticipated and appreciated!

Open letter to FOX Japan (and related networks)

2007-03-08T21:11:00.000+09:00

Dear sirs

Is it really necessary to constantly stretch 40 minutes into an hour by relentlessly interrupting the programmes with the same never changing set of overly long advertisements for the exact channel and in some cases the exact programme I'm already watching? What is its purpose? It clearly isn't revenue, as the traditional advertising model relies on the advertiser being a different entity from the broadcaster in order for money to change hands. And if it's because of time slots, then have you considered revising them to fit more content and increase consumer value? It's very annoying, and the sole reason that I've ended up only watching your network as an absolute last resort.

Stop it immediately.

Peeved in Tokyo

Hmmm. While I'm at it...

Open letter to advertisers

Dear purveyors of unoriginal and unimaginative claptrap

Stop recycling the same actors and actresses in every single advertisement. Nobody believes that they actually really endorse the product, and nobody can remember what the product they're supposedly endorsing is because they've done so many. Big name actors cost considerably more than regular actors, and those costs I'm sure get passed straight onto the consumer, which is why I'm careful not to purchase products associated with anybody I've heard of.

And please please please immediately stop the ridiculous habit of airing advertisements starring a particular actor or actress during a show that they are performing in. I can't even begin to describe the extent to which this damages both the product AND the show.

And why not try advertising on FOX. They're flushing advertising space down the toilet over there!

Disgruntled non-consumer

Japanese Tradition DVD - NOW ON SALE!!

2007-03-02T15:30:00.000+09:00

In Japan only for now, with no subtitles, except on “Shazai” which was also a nominee at the Berlin International Film Festival last month, and “Onigiri” and “Tejime” which have enough captions that non-Japanese speakers could easily follow the gist. I got my retail copy last night thanks to Rakuten's speedy shipping, and it's a very glamorously presented piece of merchandise! I feel special just holding it.

Now my question for the great internet abyss. Who is that handsome chap of western semblence that suddenly lights up the screen with his awe inspiring presence approximately half way through the series? I looked at the credits, but saw no western names...

Another New Apple Ad

2007-02-25T13:55:00.000+09:00

This time about the workflow for creating a homepage. Of course, if it's a homepage you ever want anybody to ever read, you'll probably want to spend a bit more time on Step 2 than Step 1.

See the other ads here, here and here.

Opera Browser for Wii

2007-02-19T13:17:00.001+09:00

Nintendo are currently giving away the Opera browser for free on the Shopping Channel. This is apparently because it's still in Beta, and it will become chargable just as soon as they can get away with it. This begs the question of why. Not, "why are they planning to charge for an open source browser that should technically be free?" but "why are we having to download a browser at all when the Wii already has one built in?" The Shopping Channel is an online service, accessed and displayed by the internet browser Opera. The instruction manuals you get with the Virtual Console games are written in HTML and Javascript, and displayed by the internet browser Opera. As the functionality of Opera is already there, why does it need to be downloaded separately? No Wookie defence is required by Nintendo on this issue because the facts as they stand already do not make sense.

Dunno what's so great about Opera anyway though. My phone has it, my cable box has it, and my Wii's got it too, and it ain't all that.

Who says the Showa '40s weren't cool?

2007-02-19T12:56:00.000+09:00

Caught this classic late 60s, early 70s Saturday morning music show on the NHK archives about a year ago, and now it's turned up on YouTube. Would love to see some of this coming out on DVD, though I sincerely doubt that anybody would buy it.

In other news, The Japanese Tradition: Shazai, starring my English captions, was nominated for an award at the Berlin International Film Festival last week. It didn't get one. But I'm still pretty pleased about it nonetheless. Director Junji Kojima (who also did the Apple ads it appears) talked about it at the Japanese Tradition DVD launch event at Apple Store Ginza this Saturday past. It was very nice.

All Flash Cards are not made equal

2007-02-08T15:42:00.001+09:00

In all my years of carefully avoiding products by Sony (helped in no small part by my being in charge of Sony entertainment products at work which has kept a small burning hatred of anything to do with their company smouldering continuously on back burner, and occasionally flaring up whenever I try to update our third party developer guidelines and templates only to find they've “apparently” renewed them all, but upon downloading and checking the contents discovering the majority are simply the old ones re-uploaded, sometimes with a new version number and no changes, sometimes with changes and no new version number, sometimes a completely different document sharing the same document name and reference number, the list goes on, and the products OH the products, don't even get me started on them...) so you can imagine how it pains me to have to finally reach this sorry conclusion. I genuinely believe it would be advantageous to everyone that uses small handheld electronic devices compatible with flash card memory, such as mobile phones, PDAs, lower range cameras, music players, and even game machines such as the Wii, if the industry adopted Sony's proprietary Memory Stick standard.

This frustration is particularly exacerbated by the very superfluous existence of said proprietary flash memory standard in a market already flooded by open standard devices being a former pet peeve of mine.

However, the Memory Stick has one thing going for it which its closest competing rival the SD Card (and related Mini SD and Micro SD) cannot touch - unlike the SD Card, it does not suck the sweat off a donkey's itchy scrote from 25 yards. The SD Card, unlike the Memory Stick, does. Here is why:

Not all SD Cards are compatible with all SD Card devices. Clearly I had made a grave error in judgement when I assumed this traditionally not to be the case.

Case study #1, I purchase an SD Card compatible phone, and a 256MB SanDisc card to store music and digital photos on it. After a while, I find the photos becoming increasingly corrupted when I attempt to read them at a computer, though the phone continues to have no problems with them, almost as if the phone had its own unique way of writing data to the FAT formatted disc that was extremely similar, but subtly different from the way everything else did. “Obviously you had a faulty disc or a dodgy phone” I hear you say, but on double checking the manual it clearly stated in microscopic print that it is “only guaranteed to work” with SD Cards up to 128MB. WTF!! Either it supports the standard or it doesn't. Compact Flash does not have this problem. Memory Stick does not have this problem either.

Case study #2, I purchase a new phone by a different maker and on a different network that uses the Mini SD standard. This one is kind enough to contain a compatibility chart listing the three most popular makers of SD Cards and what size discs from each it is compatible with. If I recall, SanDiscs were fine for 16, 32, 64, 128 and 256MB, Panasonic up to 128MB and Hitachi up to 64MB. WTF some more - surely a 256MB SD Card made by one company is exactly the same as a 256MB SD Card made by another. That's why it's a standard and not a freeforall. Regardless, feeling safe in the knowledge that this one was actually guaranteed to work, I purchased a 256MB SanDisc Mini SD, which didn't work. Well it sort of worked, but copying protected files on to it didn't, at all. It just wouldn't accept them, which kind of defied all reason. In other words, it didn't work. Assuming there to be a problem with the phone, I went to my nearest AU office and enquired. There, they downloaded a new compatibility chart that had been updated the following evening (superseding what was in the manual) saying that SanDisc is retrospectively not supported at all. Thankfully, Yodobashi were kind enough to refund me for my 256MB Mini SD, and with the money I got a Panasonic 128MB one, which so far hasn't given me any problems as far as my phone is concerned. More on that later. (Chart linked above shows greater compatibility than when this story related too, but still far from complete...)

Case study #3, I reformat my old 256MB SanDisc SD Card for use with the Wii, and put MP3s in a folder so that I can play them with Excite Truck. By accident, an MP3 not becoming bastard-fast offroad trucking slipped into the collection, so I decided to attempt to delete it. The folder containing MP3 had been locked. Locked solid. It could not be opened. It could not be deleted. Even a good old fashioned “sudo” wouldn't touch the bloody thing. As an experiment, I tried putting a different MP3 in a different folder, played it in Excite Truck and that folder became locked too. So my choices it seems are either to reformat the disc and start again (assuming it'll let me do that) or allow my Excite Truck experience to forever tainted by the melodic guitaring of the Drifters.

Even those that are compatible are still way too easily corrupted. That 128MB Panasonic Mini SD I mentioned earlier, still has constant corruption issues when I attempt to connect it to a computer. Messages appear almost as soon as it's inserted to the effect that the disc cannot be read. Sometimes it's enough to reinsert it into my phone, copy a new file to it, or delete an existing file to cure the problem, and sometimes it isn't. It seems to help if the file insertion or deletion is from a file system hierarchy perspective quite close to the file I wish to retrieve, though I'm surprised even Voodoo logic works. And removing it is questionable at best. A little flashing light on the flash drive tells me when it's safe to remove the disc after dismounting, and that just keeps on flashing for a good 10-15 minutes sometimes. No idea what it's doing, but it's definitely something that Compact Flash and Memory Sticks don't have to.

In short, I have never used a single SD Card with a single device that didn't cause considerable problems on a regular basis. SD is clearly not a fitting standard to trust one's mobile storage needs to, nor is it really a standard at all by any common sense measure, and I wish the industry would stop forcing it onto us.

The latest assault was in the form of a high definition camcorder that takes an SD Card for its storage I saw on a news report last night. The bullshit detectors always go off the chart when I hear of these high definition camcorders with FULL-HD printed on the side as if it meant something, as they invariably only support SD-TV (480i) and 1080i, the absolute lowest of the HD standards. And I use the word support very loosely here, as what they call 1080i is actually 1040i anamorphatised horizontally into a roughly 4:3 aspect ratio. Whoever coined the expression “Full-HD” was clearly inspired by Apple's “Fairplay,” Microsoft's “Play's for Sure” and Bush's “Patriot Act” in terms of sarcastic naming conventions. I digress. On one such camcorder that uses regular tape, 15 minutes of high definition video used about 11 GB of space. Seeing the particular SD card they're pushing is only 4GB, how much video are they expecting people to put on this disproportionately expensive media? My estimates of approximately 5-6 minutes, are a little lower than the official figure of 90 minutes. I don't know what planet these guys are from, but I want to go there for my next vacation. A 4.7GB single layer DVD can only reasonably take one hour of standard definition 480i video before the compression artefacts start to become overly noticeable, so how exactly are they proposing that we get 90 minutes of high definition video onto a media that is smaller?! The simple answer is they've gone beyond being merely misleading into downright lying. And even if they weren't, there's no way I'd trust 90 minutes of my life to the travesty that is the SD standard.

On mind hacking theists and god fearing atheists

2007-02-06T12:56:00.000+09:00

I wrote some months back about the disproportionately biased pseudo-documentary (aka propaganda piece) entitled the Root of All Evil by obnoxious loud mouthed scientist Richard Dawkins. As an atheist, I found it rather embarrassing to sit through, in rather the same way I felt upon hearing that some people had taken so much offence at the Foreigner Crimewave Exposé I mentioned last week they'd gone into their local Family Mart and verbally abused members of part time staff on minimum wage who have no say over the shop's choice of weekly. Dawkins is really not an ideal spokesman for the scientific community. So today, I thought I might expand a little more on why the likes of Dawkins are simply too stupid to get religion, and why science has shown fairly conclusively that god exists, and practically admits as such.

First thing's first. What religion is not (pay attention scientists).

It is not a scientific explanation of the history of the world, nor does it attempt to be.

It is not incompatible with scientific explanations of how the world came to be.

It is not about belief in a higher being and/or the holy texts that accompany it.

I may have to expand on the last one a little. For sure, most religions have such a belief as the central theme of their system, but that's not what the religion is really about. I'd even go as far as to say that most religious people do not even really believe in their chosen deity, despite claims to the contrary. Evidence backs this up, as behaviour is not consistent with such a belief. If we approach religion via the back door though, you'll see that it's really little more than a very effective and clever mind hack, a way of essentially defining your identity; who you are in relation to the world around you, and how you and it react to each other.

An extreme example of this in practice; imagine an atheist and a Christian both get fired from their job on the same day for something they didn't do, crashing their car on the way home into their respective wives and children (killing all immediately) and eventually arriving to find the gas was left on and their houses had burned down, with no insurance. The atheist could be forgiven for hitting the bottle. The Christian would more likely hit the book of Job, and praise his god for giving him such an effective test of faith. He would probably be successful in getting his life back on track too. The atheist would probably end up sitting outside Family Mart drinking sho-chu, reading racist propaganda and smelling of wee. An extreme examples to be sure, and certainly not universal in either case, but we see similar micro-patterns all the time.

An attachment to a religion brings private benefits to believers that non-believers may not need but wouldn't get either way. The thing is, in order to benefit from this mind hack, you have to go through all the motions of having the belief to back it up. This includes studying the scriptures, praying (even by yourself), going to a place of worship regularly, and most importantly, making your beliefs clear to those around you. It's a constant uphill battle trying to convince yourself not that god is real and the teachings are true, but that you really believe so. And for most people, this is generally unobtrusive and has no effect on their ability to participate in society normally, due in part to the general social acceptance of religion, especially the dominant one, but also because of its irrelevance to day to day life. Thinking that a guy who lived 2000 years ago died, came back to life, and is still alive in a magical kingdom up in space, and for some reason is interested in Jim's life, is not going to stop Jim from doing his job as an accountant diligently. Everybody wins! Beneath the surface though, it's unlikely that many people actually believe that their god is any more than a mental placemarker, like the question marks in the often parodied business plan “Steal socks -> ??? -> Profit!!” I mean, they're not stupid.

Perhaps you're familiar with the parable of Han and Greedo. Han was a smuggler, who to avoid capture had found it necessary one day to dump his cargo, much to the ire of the racketeer who hired him. On his way to apologise and make amends with his employer, he found himself face to face with the unscrupulous blackmailer Greedo who showed every intent of killing Han. In self defence, Han casually smite the miscreant on the ground he stood, and strolled away with a swank. Han was a fighter, a gambler, and cocky to-boot, certainly not a role model for young children. In later life however, Han unified with the forces of light and performed many great and brave services in the name of justice and good. Crowned as a saint, many pious historians found his activities earlier in life detracted from his divinity and sought to downplay them. Hence a new history was written where Han's already justifiable act of self defence was portrayed as a more direct defensive move. Though the change was minor, this split the Followers of the Force into two distinct opposing factions, each with their own rally cry. The traditionalists on the left brandished banners emblazoned "Han fired first" while the revisionists on the right wore t-shirts with "Greedo fired first." Both are printed in block capitals with a number of exclamation marks, some of which are in fact the number 1. Each side is fiercely loyal to their interpretation of the celluloid scriptures, believing it to be the one absolute truth, and the battles were bloody and endless. In the very heat of battle with neither side showing any intent to yield to the other side's truth, a voice booms from the depths "Timothy, your tea's ready!" The battle ends for another day, they shut down the internet connection for the night and commune with family. While doing so, there is no doubt in their mind that they were talking about a work of twentieth century fiction, and that their own faction is of no consequence, but that doesn't make the belief any less real, nor those that believe a different interpretation any less the enemy. This hierarchical plurality of belief is the cornerstone of most religious followings.

Religion can of course be abused; threats of hell to bully children into submission, promises of a million submissive children for the price of a suicide bomb, and suicide bombings resulting from religious intolerance, which curiously tends to come from the top down as if it served some other hidden agenda... These are the examples that stand out, and they give religion a bad name. That's not good.

But what of this scientific proof of god? Surely science has proved the exact opposite, that the process of evolution and cycles of life are sufficiently intelligent that they don't require a creator? Typically, this is scientists once again simply not getting what religion is about. First off, a belief in god does not mean a belief in a specific god as defined by a specific religion who did a bunch of stuff in accordance with a specific text of questionable origin. Secondly, scientists who should know that human behaviour and thought processes are very much determined by the physical makeup of the brain and the body and the restraints of upbringing, environment, time and space, frequently assume that the god they have to disprove is like a slightly cleverer version of us, despite having no reason to be so, a typical strawman argument in practice.

When you isolate the concept of god from religious interpretation, it tends to become a lot less interesting - a mere higher intelligence above and beyond that of humans, That sounds rather a lot like the nature of life itself, as described in the former paragraph. For example, how can cells evolve and adapt unless those cells are not just intelligent themselves but part of a wider intelligence?! There are those that would consider this as a lower form of intelligence of course, particularly those suffering from intellectual hubris, believing that abstract thought and self awareness is the absolute cutting edge of being smart. And for sure, abstract thought is something humans probably do have the lead on, but how much value does it really have? The subconscious parts of the brain, body tissues and organs are constantly involved in intelligent processes way beyond what the conscious mind can comprehend, in some cases making the body react intelligently to a stimuli before the conscious mind is aware there's even a problem (hot potato anybody?) We rarely consider such processes to be intelligent, but the supposedly intelligent conscious mind of most people can't even figure out what to wear to the supermarket.

Put simply, you look at the wonders of nature around you, you're not looking at random chemical reactions, and you're not looking at god's work. You're looking at god face to face. I sincerely believe that if scientists really pulled together, they could reclaim god from the religions and redefine it with their own scientifically based agenda.

Well, perhaps we don't need to get that carried away, because playing a semantic game doesn't mean that any of the religious significance of a god's existence is going to be carried into the scientific realm. God is just a name, and that it can be put into the perspective of a proven phenomena should not change anybody's experience, or really mean anything in particular to anybody at all, because the science remains the same, and religion remains a fake belief in a placemarker as a mind hack. On the other hand though, perhaps scientists could ignore the likes of Dawkins, and cut the religious folk a little more slack, because even if their beliefs aren't real, the concept of god is not all that outlandish.

PLAYSTATION®3s! Who will buy my luvverly PLAYSTATION®3s?!

2007-02-05T16:57:00.000+09:00

Yes, despite the launchtime scarcity, the PLAYSTATION®3 is now in absolute abundance in stores, because nobody is buying it. While browsing Yodobashi Camera on Saturday, I noticed behind the counter there was a huge stack of PLAYSTATION®3 boxes, unsold. Why? I asked. Because nobody is buying it, replied the knowledgeable sales assistant. A quick glance through the PS3 games section revealed a very limited selection, and internal memos of several high level games companies seem to be indicating that until such time as sales pick up it's pointless to develop PS3 games, because it appears that nobody is buying it. I used to get a couple of hundred hits on my blog a day coming from Google with the search theme "PS3 resetting composite output" or similar, because people who had bought the machine were having the same problem I had on the developer box at work and blogged at the time. These enquiries have largely died down now, no doubt due to the fact that at this point in time, nobody is buying it. And in Europe, where the PLAYSTATION®3 isn't even on sale yet, retailers are getting scared. In order to pre-order (“and we HIGHLY recommend you do because they're going to be hotter than hot cakes come launchtime”) you must buy an almost equally unpopular PSP. Retailers are creating a situation of artificial scarcity to panic the consumer into buying. Retailers are terrified, because they know that nobody is buying it. Nobody is buying the PLAYSTATION®3. The PLAYSTATION®3 is a flop.

But why is it doing so badly? Could it be the price? Surely 60,000 Yen isn't too much to pay for a High Definition media player of one questionable yet to be established standard currently competing with another slightly cheaper but also yet to be established standard, I mean games console. After all, it can do almost everything that the much lower priced Xbox 360 can (though it hasn't quite gotten “playing games” figured yet, due to there being none), and can even do some things that the much much lower priced Wii cannot, such as output in High Definition, if you happen to be among the minority that owns such a TV.

Or could it be the pushing of yet another expensive and unnecessary proprietary format that sacrifices interoperability and the needs of consumers (who must also burden the expense), while passing the savings onto the whimsical rights holders with fickle temperaments and no sense of proportion?

Or maybe after scandal upon scandal upon scandal upon scandal, Joe Average has finally come to realise that Sony is simply not to be trusted.

Whatever the reason why nobody is buying it, it is clear that nobody is. And if nobody else is, then why should you?

PLAYSTATION®3. Don't waste your money.

The future of content protection

2007-02-02T12:54:00.001+09:00

VideoScan has released sales figures comparing the performances of the two competing high definition disc formats, HD-DVD and Blu-Ray, and it seems despite some hiccups, sales of both formats are soaring! One of the main reasons for their success is the brand new DRM (Digital Rights Management - a playback control mechanism that ensures consumers do not get for free what could later be charged for) content protection system used, which ensures the availability of innovative new content, crisp sharp image quality, and sound you can feel, while also taking a hard stance against those that expect something for nothing. Due to an advanced central management system, if any player is compromised, then all players across the world will cease to function. Likewise if any disc is compromised, then all discs in that format will erase themselves securely by overwriting every bit with zeros 32 times (48 times as of March 7th). Security of content is primary in an age of rampant piracy, and consumers feel uncomfortable when given free reign over paid for intellectual property, and allowed such frivolous capabilities as interoperability and basic fair use™ privileges, so it's in everybody's interests that content be locked up and locked down securely.

However, book publishers and readers alike have gotten the raw end of the stick here, as such content protection methods are only currently available on high definition discs. Written content is equally worthy of protection, and consumers cannot enjoy reading if they know it only takes a few minutes with a photocopier for their hard earned purchase to be stolen.

Historically, books have been said to house the ultimate content protection system - they're difficult to read in digital form, and clumsy and inconvenient to copy. In the 21st Century though, with pirates lurking on every street corner peddling their warez, and trapping helpless young consumers in alleys and stealing their content, a more advanced protection system is needed so everybody can enjoy their legally purchased works in safety and comfort.

Previous attempts at putting DRM on printed books were unfortunately less than successful. The most recent method of selling books filled with blank pages (if it can be read, it can be stolen, not to mention sold on, lent, read out loud, reviewed and even talked about) resulted in plummeting sales, and statistics showed beyond doubt that this was due to piracy, and the mindset it had created whereby average consumers turn into thieves that constantly expect to get something for nothing. The industry rightly believes that reading a written work that you have purchased is a privilege they should be able to charge you extra for, but limitations of the technology and the laws of physics has meant yielding this most basic commodity.

Until now that is. The shift towards purchasing books online, which can take advantage of cutting edge "on demand" digital printing (i.e. printing a single copy of a book at the time of purchase) means the next level of written content protection is finally within the industry's grasp.

The system works as such. Traditionally books have relied on a system of light absorbing inks being applied to light reflective paper, the contrast between which results in the text being easily read by the naked eye under normal lighting conditions. This weakness known internally as "the analogue hole" (or "a-hole"), is widely understood to be an open invitation to piracy, and the bane of the entire industry. You may not be aware of this, but to-date, every book ever published could theoretically be read by anybody on the planet, without restriction. It's a publisher's nightmare. A patented light reflecting ink laced with a derivative of phosphor however means that printed works no longer need be readable under normal light conditions, and instead require the use of a black light to activate the ink. Activated ink reflects light slightly brighter than the page for a mere fraction of a second, way too fast for any recording media to pick up, but due to the image retention function of the human eye, it remains visible just long enough when strobed at the correct frequency for the text to be readable. If the frequency is too slow, it borders on invisible. Too fast (or too bright) and the active elements of the ink will combust, effectively destroying the content.

The management issues are more complex, but ultimately simple to use and unobtrusive to the consumer. Strobing black lights (marketed as "book readers") are to become a licensed technology, and as mentioned above, it only takes one small error to destroy the written content. Taking full advantage of this, each book reader will contain a barcode scanner, and a barcode containing details of the book, purchaser, page number, estimated time it takes an adult to read the page, and ink properties (to adjust strobe frequency) will be unobtrusively placed across the lower half of each page, which of course is possible with "on demand" printing. The book reader scans this, checks via internet with the publisher database that it's OK to decode, and then activates the ink for the specified page length. Attempt to read the pages out of sequence, or read the same page twice in a row, and your next month's reader licence fee will be increased on a pay-per-view basis. These are premium services and publishers have a right to profit from them. If the book is found to be owned by somebody other than the registered owner of the book reader, then the page will be "flashed" rendering it useless.

Of course, traditional bookstores cannot yet take advantage of "on demand" digital printing, so content protection here relies on the "consumer honesty" method, which is a well known industry joke, rather like the one about the actress that was so dumb she slept with the writer. In the not too distant future though, bookshops will become secure digital print centres where entire libraries of content protected materials can be personally created on demand in the time it takes to enjoy a delicious caffé latte (sold separately) at the nearest Starbucks.

And with these new content protection measures, consumers can sleep easy knowing a golden age of enjoyment, of vibrant new content to delight the senses and things, is just around the corner, just like their favourite Starbucks.

The frightening! Foreigner crimewave exposé!

2007-02-01T09:09:00.000+09:00

You may remember the bombshell I dropped last year when I published my translation of select pages of a manga outlining the dangers of recognising human rights. This time, a fascinating looking book with an extremely evocative cover has started to appear on shelves of "Family Mart" convenience stores up and down the country entitled "外人犯罪裏ファイル" (rough translation "Foreigner Crimewave Exposé" - note the officially recognised as politically incorrect word for "foreigner.") As always, friend and fellow naturalised citizen Debito was already at the scene by time I arrived, and mutual acquaintance Steve had been sufficiently outraged to get busy scanning and beat me to the translating punch. So without further ado, let's take a look at what wonders lurk inside, together with Steve's translations and comments (caution: explicit language used).

Back Page:

日本における外人犯罪件数年間47000件!!
47,000 crimes by foreigners each year!!
There then follows a ‘danger rating’ (危険度) of each country, scattered on a world map surrounded by knives, guns and syringes:
China: 14
Russia: 5
Korea: 9
Brazil: 8
Colombia: 3
Etc.
None for the USA, Canada, Australia or the whole of Europe…

Article about crimes by Iranians:
イラン人を捕まえ！！
Catch the Iranian!!

Article lamenting Tokyo’s demise into lawlessness:
不良外人暴力都市！！
City of Violent Degenerate Foreigners!!

Article about foreigners scamming Japanese for money:

毟られる日本人。『シャチョサン、ATMコッチデス』
Japanese getting conned. “Theesaway to ze ATM, Meester Managing Director”

Feature of foreign guys picking up Japanese women (What this has to do with ‘crime’ is unclear)

そりゃあ日本人は小さいけど。。
YELLOW CAB REAL STREET PHOTO
お前らそんなに外人がイイのかよ！！
You sluts really think foreign guys are so great, huh!!
We know Japanese guys are small, but..

Picture of black guy touching a J.girls ass in Shibuya (obviously consensual too)
おいニガー！！日本婦女子のケツさわってんじゃねえ！！
Oi Nigger!! Get your fuckin’ hands off that Japanese lady’s ass!!
(… yes. It really does say ニガー)

Picture of dark-haired foreigner kissing J.girl in Shibuya (again, obviously consensual)

ここは日本なんだよ！てめえの国に帰ってやりな！
This is Japan! Go back to your own fuckin’ country and do that!

Picture of foreigner with hands down a J.girls knickers in Shibuya (definitely consensual)
チョット、チョットチョット！路上で手マンはやめてくれる？
Woah! Woah! Woah! Would you stop fingering a girls pussy in the street, OK?

See Debito's entry for additional scans.

Almost as evocative as the book cover is the image I have in my mind of disgruntled foreign residents nationwide foaming at their respective mouths and rushing out in droves to purchase (at full price) every copy of this publication so they can show the world the racially charged hate-speech that is plaguing this land, and I wouldn't blame them for doing so. It's not exactly complimentary (despite it not applying to me personally, as a merely "foreign-looking" citizen). It does though remind me of the example many people use to illustrate how Japan is a socially backwards country - that "walking down the street eating a sandwich is an absolute no no, but browsing through schoolgirl rape-porn on trains in full view of elementary age children is perfectly acceptable. It must be true because I've seen it!" I know a lot of locals that have seen it too, and according to them, it's despicable behaviour and totally unacceptable by all social standards. So why does it happen then? Because individuals are individuals, and this is the case anywhere. This book is not a MEXT (Ministry of Education) approved textbook for junior high school social studies class, it was written by individuals who (I'm going to go out on a limb here and say) have an extremely right wing agenda. (I'm also going to go out on my other limb and say that aside from the hordes of disgruntled foreign residents and human rights activists,) the only people purchasing this book for more than mere token amusement value are individuals with an equally right wing agenda. None of this says anything about the country or the society as a whole.

What does say something about the country as a whole is that such blatant hate-speech has been sitting on shelves of regular convenience stores for days now, (not to mention Amazon, Kinokuniya, Rakuten Books and Kuroneko Book Service, all major distributors) and apart from one or two blogs, nothing has been done in response. In fact, that they're still sitting there at all could be seen to reflect quite badly on Japan. Compare and contrast; were a similar publication to appear in some countries, it would be taken off the shelves within minutes due to public protest, boycotts, negative media coverage and fear of government intervention. I'm not sure exactly how this differs from censorship, but I've been assured on good authority that it does. Personally I'm in two minds, after all, with even just a quick glance at the cover, it's clear nobody in their right mind is going to buy it believing it to be an impartial study of a recent social phenomena. You'd have to be seriously impaired to believe its intent is to do anything other than rouse rabbles.

As demonstrated with the last bombshell, nothing hurts a cause like bad propaganda, and the cause in this instance is that of "foreign = dangerous, alien crime-wave damaging society" which has been gradually gaining steam for some years now. Regular newspapers frequently quote police statistics to highlight this new terror from without (most likely as a scapegoat mechanism to stigmatise the smaller weaker members of society to make the majority feel better about their own failings) despite the statistics actually saying the complete opposite on closer inspection. And when it's regular newspapers with sensible looking headlines, people are inclined to take it at face value. Shock value publications like this with the whole in-your-face "they're going to eat you alive and spit on your dog, OMGWTF" approach is not going to convince anybody that wasn't already convinced, and those that previously just assumed such assertions were true are either going to a) roll their eyes, or b) sympathise with the scapegoat. As a cause I'd personally like to see damaged, I say let it dig its own grave. Then maybe some of us can get some peace round here!

And I'll have you know there's nothing wrong with walking down the street eating a sandwich.

Update It made the Guardian, and now the Times Online!

Another Three Apple Commercials

2007-01-28T19:56:00.000+09:00

The latest batch of Japanese Apple commercials featuring our old friends the Rahmens, fresh from my busy subtitling desk. I notice that once again they've reverted to the original formula of simply taking existing American adverts and directly translating them into Japanese, word for word almost, yet they still manage to do so with a certain flair. I don't know about you, but I find the Japanese Mac to be a lot less dislikable than the original.

Well, get 'em while they're hot!

See also the first three, a special nengajo version, and the latest one.

Funkiest Junk Evarrrrr!!!1!

2007-01-17T12:20:00.000+09:00

I have absolutely no idea what this says. It just turned up in my Inbox last night and I knew I had to keep it.

Can anybody tell me what it says in a nutshell? Should I get this off my site ASAP before I get terror-watch blacklisted?

Subject: شهر محرّم

بــــــــسم اللــــــــه الرحـــــــــمن الرحـــــــــيم

بــــــــسم اللــــــــه الرحـــــــــمن الرحـــــــــيم

شهر محرّم

و لعله آخر شهر محرّم تدركه

الحمد لله رب العالمين والصلاة والسلام على نبينا محمد خاتم الأنبياء وسيد المرسلين وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعين وبعد

فإن شهر الله المحرّم شهر عظيم مبارك وهو أول شهور السنّة الهجرية وأحد الأشهر الحُرُم التي قال الله فيها : { إِنَّ عِدَّةَ الشُّهُورِ عِنْدَ اللَّهِ اثْنَا عَشَرَ شَهْرًا فِي كِتَابِ اللَّهِ يَوْمَ خَلَقَ السَّمَوَاتِ وَالأَرْضَ مِنْهَا أَرْبَعَةٌ حُرُمٌ ذَلِكَ الدِّينُ الْقَيِّمُ فَلا تَظْلِمُوا فِيهِنَّ أَنْفُسَكُمْ ..} الآية [36 سورة التوبة ].
وعَنْ أَبِي بَكْرَةَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ عَنْ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ : (.. السَّنَةُ اثْنَا عَشَرَ شَهْرًا مِنْهَا أَرْبَعَةٌ حُرُمٌ ثَلاثَةٌ مُتَوَالِيَاتٌ : ذُو الْقَعْدَةِ وَذُو الْحِجَّةِ وَالْمُحَرَّمُ ، وَرَجَبُ مُضَرَ الَّذِي بَيْنَ جُمَادَى وَشَعْبَانَ ) [رواه البخاري 2958].

والمحرم سمي بذلك لكونه شهرا محرما وتأكيدا لتحريمه .

فضل الإكثار من صيام النافلة في شهر محرّم
عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ ( أَفْضَلُ الصِّيَامِ بَعْدَ رَمَضَانَ شَهْرُ اللَّهِ الْمُحَرَّمُ ) [ رواه مسلم 1982 ].
قوله : ( شهر الله ) إضافة الشّهر إلى الله إضافة تعظيم ، قال القاري : الظاهر أن المراد جميع شهر المحرّم .
ولكن قد ثبت أنّ النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم لم يصم شهرا كاملا قطّ غير رمضان فيُحمل هذا الحديث على الترغيب في الإكثار من الصّيام في شهر محرم لا صومه كله .

عاشوراء في التاريخ
عَنْ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُمَا قَالَ ( قَدِمَ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ الْمَدِينَةَ فَرَأَى الْيَهُودَ تَصُومُ يَوْمَ عَاشُورَاءَ فَقَالَ مَا هَذَا قَالُوا هَذَا يَوْمٌ صَالِحٌ هَذَا يَوْمٌ نَجَّى اللَّهُ بَنِي إِسْرَائِيلَ مِنْ عَدُوِّهِمْ فَصَامَهُ مُوسَى ، قَالَ فَأَنَا أَحَقُّ بِمُوسَى مِنْكُمْ فَصَامَهُ وَأَمَرَ بِصِيَامِهِ ) [ رواه البخاري 1865 ].
وصيام عاشوراء كان معروفا حتى على أيّام الجاهلية قبل البعثة النبويّة فقد ثبت عن عائشة رضي الله عنها قالت " إن أهل الجاهلية كانوا يصومونه " .. قال القرطبي : لعل قريشا كانوا يستندون في صومه إلى شرع من مضى كإبراهيم عليه السّلام . وقد ثبت أيضا أنّ النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم كان يصومه بمكة قبل أن يهاجر إلى المدينة فلما هاجر إلى المدينة وجد اليهود يحتفلون به فسألهم عن السبب فأجابوه كما تقدّم في الحديث وأمر بمخالفتهم في اتّخاذه عيدا كما جاء في حديث أَبِي مُوسَى رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ قَالَ كَانَ يَوْمُ عَاشُورَاءَ تَعُدُّهُ الْيَهُودُ عِيدًا [ وفي رواية مسلم " كان يوم عاشوراء تعظمه اليهود تتخذه عيدا " ، وفي رواية له أيضا : " كان أهل خيبر ( اليهود) .. يتخذونه عيدا ويلبسون نساءهم فيه حليهم وشارتهم " ] قَالَ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ ( فَصُومُوهُ أَنْتُمْ) [ رواه البخاري] .
وظاهر هذا أن الباعث على الأمر بصومه محبة مخالفة اليهود حتى يصام ما يفطرون فيه لأن يوم العيد لا يصام . [انتهى ملخّصا من كلام الحافظ ابن حجر رحمه الله في فتح الباري شرح صحيح البخاري ].

وكان صيام عاشوراء من التدرّج الحكيم في تشريع الصيام وفرضه فقد أُحِيلَ الصِّيَامُ ثَلاثَةَ أَحْوَالٍ , فَقَدِمَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم الْمَدِينَةَ فَجَعَلَ الصَّوْمَ كُلَّ شَهْرٍ ثَلاثَةَ أَيَّامٍ وَيَوْمَ عَاشُورَاءَ , ثُمَّ إنَّ اللَّهَ تَعَالَى فَرَضَ الصِّيَامَ بِقَوْلِهِ : {كُتِبَ عَلَيْكُمْ الصِّيَامُ} [أحكام القرآن للجصاص ج1] ، فانتقل الفرض من صيام عاشوراء إلى صيام رمضان وهذا من الأدلة في أصول الفقه على جواز النسخ من الأخفّ إلى الأثقل .

فضل صيام عاشوراء
عَنْ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُمَا قَالَ : "مَا رَأَيْتُ النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يَتَحَرَّى صِيَامَ يَوْمٍ فَضَّلَهُ عَلَى غَيْرِهِ إِلّا هَذَا الْيَوْمَ يَوْمَ عَاشُورَاءَ وَهَذَا الشَّهْرَ يَعْنِي شَهْرَ رَمَضَانَ " [ رواه البخاري 1867 ] ومعنى " يتحرى " أي يقصد صومه لتحصيل ثوابه والرغبة فيه .
وقال النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم : ( صيام يوم عاشوراء ، إني أحتسب على الله أن يكفر السنة التي قبله ) [رواه مسلم 1976] ، وهذا من فضل الله علينا أن أعطانا بصيام يوم واحد تكفير ذنوب سنة كاملة والله ذو الفضل العظيم .

أي يوم هو عاشوراء
قال النووي رحمه الله : عَاشُورَاءُ وَتَاسُوعَاءُ اسْمَانِ مَمْدُودَانِ , هَذَا هُوَ الْمَشْهُورُ فِي كُتُبِ اللُّغَةِ قَالَ أَصْحَابُنَا : عَاشُورَاءُ هُوَ الْيَوْمُ الْعَاشِرُ مِنْ الْمُحَرَّمِ , وَتَاسُوعَاءُ هُوَ التَّاسِعُ مِنْهُ هَذَا مَذْهَبُنَا , وَبِهِ قَالَ جُمْهُورُ الْعُلَمَاءِ ، .. وَهُوَ ظَاهِرُ الأَحَادِيثِ وَمُقْتَضَى إطْلاقِ اللَّفْظِ , وَهُوَ الْمَعْرُوفُ عِنْدَ أَهْلِ اللُّغَةِ . [المجموع]

يتبين من هذا أن : عَاشُورَاءُ هُوَ الْيَوْمُ الْعَاشِرُ مِنْ الْمُحَرَّمِ , وَتَاسُوعَاءُ هُوَ التَّاسِعُ مِنْهُ

استحباب صيام تاسوعاء مع عاشوراء
روى عَبْدَ اللَّهِ بْنَ عَبَّاسٍ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُمَا قال : حِينَ صَامَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يَوْمَ عَاشُورَاءَ وَأَمَرَ بِصِيَامِهِ قَالُوا يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ إِنَّهُ يَوْمٌ تُعَظِّمُهُ الْيَهُودُ وَالنَّصَارَى فَقَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ ( فَإِذَا كَانَ الْعَامُ الْمُقْبِلُ إِنْ شَاءَ اللَّهُ صُمْنَا الْيَوْمَ التَّاسِعَ ) قَالَ فَلَمْ يَأْتِ الْعَامُ الْمُقْبِلُ حَتَّى تُوُفِّيَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ [ رواه مسلم 1916 ].
قال الشافعي وأصحابه وأحمد وإسحاق وآخرون : يستحب صوم التاسع والعاشر جميعا ; لأن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم صام العاشر , ونوى صيام التاسع .
وعلى هذا فصيام عاشوراء على مراتب أدناها أن يصام وحده وفوقه أن يصام التاسع معه وكلّما كثر الصّيام في محرّم كان أفضل وأطيب .

الحكمة من استحباب صيام تاسوعاء
قال النووي رحمه الله : ذَكَرَ الْعُلَمَاءُ مِنْ أَصْحَابِنَا وَغَيْرِهِمْ فِي حِكْمَةِ اسْتِحْبَابِ صَوْمِ تَاسُوعَاءَ أَوْجُهًا : أَحَدُهَا: أَنَّ الْمُرَادَ مِنْهُ مُخَالَفَةُ الْيَهُودِ فِي اقْتِصَارِهِمْ عَلَى الْعَاشِرِ , وَهُوَ مَرْوِيٌّ عَنْ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ .. الثَّانِي : أَنَّ الْمُرَادَ بِهِ وَصْلُ يَوْمِ عَاشُورَاءَ بِصَوْمٍ , كَمَا نَهَى أَنْ يُصَامَ يَوْمُ الْجُمُعَةِ وَحْدَهُ , ذَكَرَهُمَا الْخَطَّابِيُّ وَآخَرُونَ . الثَّالِثَ: الاحْتِيَاطُ فِي صَوْمِ الْعَاشِرِ خَشْيَةَ نَقْصِ الْهِلالِ , وَوُقُوعِ غَلَطٍ فَيَكُونُ التَّاسِعُ فِي الْعَدَدِ هُوَ الْعَاشِرُ فِي نَفْسِ الأَمْرِ . انتهى
وأقوى هذه الأوجه هو مخالفة أهل الكتاب ، قال شيخ الإسلام ابن تيمية رحمه الله : نَهَى صلى الله عليه وسلم عَنْ التَّشَبُّهِ بِأَهْلِ الْكِتَابِ فِي أَحَادِيثَ كَثِيرَةٍ مِثْلُ قَوْلِهِ .. فِي عَاشُورَاءَ : ( لَئِنْ عِشْتُ إلَى قَابِلٍ لاَصُومَنَّ التَّاسِعَ ) [ الفتاوى الكبرى ج6 : سد الذرائع المفضية إلى المحارم ]
وقال ابن حجر رحمه الله في تعليقه على حديث : ( لئن بقيت إلى قابل لأصومن التاسع ) : ما همّ به من صوم التاسع يُحتمل معناه أن لا يقتصر عليه بل يُضيفه إلى اليوم العاشر إما احتياطا له وإما مخالفة لليهود والنصارى وهو الأرجح وبه يُشعر بعض روايات مسلم [ فتح 4/245 ]

صيام عاشوراء ماذا يكفّر ؟
قال الإمام النووي رحمه الله :
يُكَفِّرُ كُلَّ الذُّنُوبِ الصَّغَائِرِ , وَتَقْدِيرُهُ يَغْفِرُ ذُنُوبَهُ كُلَّهَا إلا الْكَبَائِرَ .
ثم قال رحمه الله : صَوْمُ يَوْمِ عَرَفَةَ كَفَّارَةُ سَنَتَيْنِ , وَيَوْمُ عَاشُورَاءَ كَفَّارَةُ سَنَةٍ , وَإِذَا وَافَقَ تَأْمِينُهُ تَأْمِينَ الْمَلائِكَةِ غُفِرَ لَهُ مَا تَقَدَّمَ مِنْ ذَنْبِهِ . .. كُلَّ وَاحِدٍ مِنْ هَذِهِ الْمَذْكُورَاتِ صَالِحٌ لِلتَّكْفِيرِ فَإِنْ وَجَدَ مَا يُكَفِّرُهُ مِنْ الصَّغَائِرِ كَفَّرَهُ , وَإِنْ لَمْ يُصَادِفْ صَغِيرَةً وَلا كَبِيرَةً كُتِبَتْ بِهِ حَسَنَاتٌ وَرُفِعَتْ لَهُ بِهِ دَرَجَاتٌ , .. وَإِنْ صَادَفَ كَبِيرَةً أَوْ كَبَائِرَ وَلَمْ يُصَادِفْ صَغَائِرَ , رَجَوْنَا أَنْ تُخَفِّفَ مِنْ الْكَبَائِرِ [المجموع شرح المهذب ج6 صوم يوم عرفة ]

عدم الاغترار بثواب الصيام
يَغْتَرُّ بَعْضُ الْمَغْرُورِينَ بِالاعْتِمَادِ عَلَى مِثْلِ صَوْمِ يَوْمِ عَاشُورَاءَ أَوْ يَوْمِ عَرَفَةَ , حَتَّى يَقُولَ بَعْضُهُمْ : صَوْمُ يَوْمِ عَاشُورَاءَ يُكَفِّرُ ذُنُوبَ الْعَامِ كُلِّهَا وَيَبْقَى صَوْمُ عَرَفَةَ زِيَادَةٌ فِي الأَجْرِ . قَالَ ابْنُ الْقَيِّمِ : لَمْ يَدْرِ هَذَا الْمُغْتَرُّ أَنَّ صَوْمَ رَمَضَانَ وَالصَّلَوَاتِ الْخَمْسَ أَعْظَمُ وَأَجَلُّ مِنْ صِيَامِ يَوْمِ عَرَفَةَ وَيَوْمِ عَاشُورَاءَ , وَهِيَ إنَّمَا تُكَفِّرُ مَا بَيْنَهُمَا إذَا اُجْتُنِبَتْ الْكَبَائِرُ , فَرَمَضَانُ إلَى رَمَضَانَ , وَالْجُمُعَةُ إلَى الْجُمُعَةِ لا يَقْوَيَانِ عَلَى تَكْفِيرِ الصَّغَائِرِ إلَّا مَعَ انْضِمَامِ تَرْكِ الْكَبَائِرِ إلَيْهَا , فَيَقْوَى مَجْمُوعُ الأَمْرَيْنِ عَلَى تَكْفِيرِ الصَّغَائِرِ . وَمِنْ الْمَغْرُورِينَ مَنْ يَظُنُّ أَنَّ طَاعَاتِهِ أَكْثَرُ مِنْ مَعَاصِيهِ , لاَنَّهُ لا يُحَاسِبُ نَفْسَهُ عَلَى سَيِّئَاتِهِ وَلا يَتَفَقَّدُ ذُنُوبَهُ , وَإِذَا عَمِلَ طَاعَةً حَفِظَهَا وَاعْتَدَّ بِهَا , كَاَلَّذِي يَسْتَغْفِرُ اللَّهَ بِلِسَانِهِ أَوْ يُسَبِّحُ اللَّهَ فِي الْيَوْمِ مِائَةَ مَرَّةٍ , ثُمَّ يَغْتَابُ الْمُسْلِمِينَ وَيُمَزِّقُ أَعْرَاضَهُمْ , وَيَتَكَلَّمُ بِمَا لا يَرْضَاهُ اللَّهُ طُولَ نَهَارِهِ , فَهَذَا أَبَدًا يَتَأَمَّلُ فِي فَضَائِلِ التَّسْبِيحَاتِ وَالتَّهْلِيلاتِ وَلا يَلْتَفِتُ إلَى مَا وَرَدَ مِنْ عُقُوبَةِ الْمُغْتَابِينَ وَالْكَذَّابِينَ وَالنَّمَّامِينَ , إلَى غَيْرِ ذَلِكَ مِنْ آفَاتِ اللِّسَانِ , وَذَلِكَ مَحْضُ غُرُورٍ [ الموسوعة الفقهية ج31 : غرور ]

صيام عاشوراء وعليه قضاء من رمضان
اخْتَلَفَ الْفُقَهَاءُ فِي حُكْمِ التَّطَوُّعِ بِالصَّوْمِ قَبْلَ قَضَاءِ رَمَضَانَ . فَذَهَبَ الْحَنَفِيَّةُ إلَى جَوَازِ التَّطَوُّعِ بِالصَّوْمِ قَبْلَ قَضَاءِ رَمَضَانَ مِنْ غَيْرِ كَرَاهَةٍ , لِكَوْنِ الْقَضَاءِ لا يَجِبُ عَلَى الْفَوْرِ. وَذَهَبَ الْمَالِكِيَّةُ وَالشَّافِعِيَّةُ إلَى الْجَوَازِ مَعَ الْكَرَاهَةِ , لِمَا يَلْزَمُ مِنْ تَأْخِيرِ الْوَاجِبِ , قَالَ الدُّسُوقِيُّ : يُكْرَهُ التَّطَوُّعُ بِالصَّوْمِ لِمَنْ عَلَيْهِ صَوْمٌ وَاجِبٌ , كَالْمَنْذُورِ وَالْقَضَاءِ وَالْكَفَّارَةِ . سَوَاءٌ كَانَ صَوْمُ التَّطَوُّعِ الَّذِي قَدَّمَهُ عَلَى الصَّوْمِ الْوَاجِبِ غَيْرَ مُؤَكَّدٍ , أَوْ كَانَ مُؤَكَّدًا , كَعَاشُورَاءَ وَتَاسِعِ ذِي الْحِجَّةِ عَلَى الرَّاجِحِ . وَذَهَبَ الْحَنَابِلَةُ إلَى حُرْمَةِ التَّطَوُّعِ بِالصَّوْمِ قَبْلَ قَضَاءِ رَمَضَانَ , وَعَدَمِ صِحَّةِ التَّطَوُّعِ حِينَئِذٍ وَلَوْ اتَّسَعَ الْوَقْتُ لِلْقَضَاءِ , وَلا بُدَّ مِنْ أَنْ يَبْدَأَ بِالْفَرْضِ حَتَّى يُقْضِيَهُ [ الموسوعة الفقهية ج28 : صوم التطوع ]

فعلى المسلم أن يبادر إلى القضاء بعد رمضان ليتمكن من صيام عرفة وعاشوراء دون حرج ، ولو صام عرفة وعاشوراء بنية القضاء من الليل أجزأه ذلك في قضاء الفريضة ، وفضل الله عظيم .

بدع عاشوراء
سُئِلَ شَيْخُ الإسلام ابن تيمية رحمه الله عَمَّا يَفْعَلُهُ النَّاسُ فِي يَوْمِ عَاشُورَاءَ مِنْ الْكُحْلِ , وَالاغْتِسَالِ , وَالْحِنَّاءِ وَالْمُصَافَحَةِ , وَطَبْخِ الْحُبُوبِ وَإِظْهَارِ السُّرُورِ , وَغَيْرِ ذَلِكَ .. فَهَلْ وَرَدَ فِي ذَلِكَ عَنْ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم حَدِيثٌ صَحِيحٌ ؟ أَمْ لا ؟ وَإِذَا لَمْ يَرِدْ حَدِيثٌ صَحِيحٌ فِي شَيْءٍ مِنْ ذَلِكَ فَهَلْ يَكُونُ فِعْلُ ذَلِكَ بِدْعَةً أَمْ لا ؟ وَمَا تَفْعَلُهُ الطَّائِفَةُ الأُخْرَى مِنْ الْمَأْتَمِ وَالْحُزْنِ وَالْعَطَشِ , وَغَيْرِ ذَلِكَ مِنْ النَّدْبِ وَالنِّيَاحَةِ , وَقِرَاءَةِ الْمَصْرُوعِ , وَشَقِّ الْجُيُوبِ . هَلْ لِذَلِكَ أَصْلٌ ؟ أَمْ لا ؟
الْجَوَابُ : الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ . لَمْ يَرِدْ فِي شَيْءٍ مِنْ ذَلِكَ حَدِيثٌ صَحِيحٌ عَنْ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَلا عَنْ أَصْحَابِهِ , وَلا اسْتَحَبَّ ذَلِكَ أَحَدٌ مِنْ أَئِمَّةِ الْمُسْلِمِينَ لا الأَئِمَّةِ الأَرْبَعَةِ , وَلا غَيْرِهِمْ . وَلا رَوَى أَهْلُ الْكُتُبِ الْمُعْتَمَدَةِ فِي ذَلِكَ شَيْئًا , لا عَنْ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَلا الصَّحَابَةِ , وَلا التَّابِعِينَ , لا صَحِيحًا وَلا ضَعِيفًا , لا فِي كُتُبِ الصَّحِيحِ , وَلا فِي السُّنَنِ , وَلا الْمَسَانِيدِ , وَلا يُعْرَفُ شَيْءٌ مِنْ هَذِهِ الأَحَادِيثِ عَلَى عَهْدِ الْقُرُونِ الْفَاضِلَةِ . وَلَكِنْ رَوَى بَعْضُ الْمُتَأَخِّرِينَ فِي ذَلِكَ أَحَادِيثَ مِثْلَ مَا رَوَوْا أَنَّ مَنْ اكْتَحَلَ يَوْمَ عَاشُورَاءَ لَمْ يَرْمَدْ مِنْ ذَلِكَ الْعَامِ , وَمَنْ اغْتَسَلَ يَوْمَ عَاشُورَاءَ لَمْ يَمْرَضْ ذَلِكَ الْعَامِ , وَأَمْثَالِ ذَلِكَ .. وَرَوَوْا فِي حَدِيثٍ مَوْضُوعٍ مَكْذُوبٍ عَلَى النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم : ( أَنَّهُ مَنْ وَسَّعَ عَلَى أَهْلِهِ يَوْمَ عَاشُورَاءَ وَسَّعَ اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ سَائِرَ السَّنَةِ ) . وَرِوَايَةُ هَذَا كُلِّهِ عَنْ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم كَذِبٌ .

ثم ذكر رحمه الله ملخصا لما مرّ بأول هذه الأمة من الفتن والأحداث ومقتل الحسين رضي الله عنه وماذا فعلت الطوائف بسبب ذلك فقال :
فَصَارَتْ طَائِفَةٌ جَاهِلَةٌ ظَالِمَةٌ : إمَّا مُلْحِدَةٌ مُنَافِقَةٌ , وَإِمَّا ضَالَّةٌ غَاوِيَةٌ , تُظْهِرُ مُوَالاتَهُ , وَمُوَالاةَ أَهْلِ بَيْتِهِ تَتَّخِذُ يَوْمَ عَاشُورَاءَ يَوْمَ مَأْتَمٍ وَحُزْنٍ وَنِيَاحَةٍ , وَتُظْهِرُ فِيهِ شِعَارَ الْجَاهِلِيَّةِ مِنْ لَطْمِ الْخُدُودِ , وَشَقِّ الْجُيُوبِ , وَالتَّعَزِّي بِعَزَاءِ الْجَاهِلِيَّةِ .. فَكَانَ مَا زَيَّنَهُ الشَّيْطَانُ لأهل الضَّلالِ وَالْغَيِّ مِنْ اتِّخَاذِ يَوْمِ عَاشُورَاءَ مَأْتَمًا , وَمَا يَصْنَعُونَ فِيهِ مِنْ النَّدْبِ وَالنِّيَاحَةِ , وَإِنْشَادِ قَصَائِدِ الْحُزْنِ , وَرِوَايَةِ الأَخْبَارِ الَّتِي فِيهَا كَذِبٌ كَثِيرٌ وَالصِّدْقُ فِيهَا لَيْسَ فِيهِ إلَّا تَجْدِيدُ الْحُزْنِ , وَالتَّعَصُّبُ , وَإِثَارَةُ الشَّحْنَاءِ وَالْحَرْبِ , وَإِلْقَاءُ الْفِتَنِ بَيْنَ أَهْلِ الإسلام , وَالتَّوَسُّلُ بِذَلِكَ إلَى سَبِّ السَّابِقِينَ الأَوَّلِينَ .. وَشَرُّ هَؤُلاءِ وَضَرَرُهُمْ عَلَى أَهْلِ الإسلام , لا يُحْصِيهِ الرَّجُلُ الْفَصِيحُ فِي الْكَلامِ . فَعَارَضَ هَؤُلاءِ قَوْمٌ إمَّا مِنْ النَّوَاصِبِ الْمُتَعَصِّبِينَ عَلَى الْحُسَيْنِ وَأَهْلِ بَيْتِهِ , وَإِمَّا مِنْ الْجُهَّالِ الَّذِينَ قَابَلُوا الْفَاسِدَ بِالْفَاسِدِ , وَالْكَذِبَ بِالْكَذِبِ , وَالشَّرَّ بِالشَّرِّ , وَالْبِدْعَةَ بِالْبِدْعَةِ , فَوَضَعُوا الأثَارَ فِي شَعَائِرِ الْفَرَحِ وَالسُّرُورِ يَوْمَ عَاشُورَاءَ كَالاكْتِحَالِ وَالاخْتِضَابِ , وَتَوْسِيعِ النَّفَقَاتِ عَلَى الْعِيَالِ , وَطَبْخِ الأَطْعِمَةِ الْخَارِجَةِ عَنْ الْعَادَةِ , وَنَحْوِ ذَلِكَ مِمَّا يُفْعَلُ فِي الأَعْيَادِ وَالْمَوَاسِمِ , فَصَارَ هَؤُلاءِ يَتَّخِذُونَ يَوْمَ عَاشُورَاءَ مَوْسِمًا كَمَوَاسِمِ الأَعْيَادِ وَالأَفْرَاحِ . وَأُولَئِكَ يَتَّخِذُونَهُ مَأْتَمًا يُقِيمُونَ فِيهِ الأَحْزَانَ وَالأَتْرَاحَ وَكِلا الطَّائِفَتَيْنِ مُخْطِئَةٌ خَارِجَةٌ عَنْ السُّنَّةِ , وَإِنْ كَانَ أُولَئِكَ أَسْوَأَ قَصْدًا وَأَعْظَمَ جَهْلًا , وَأَظْهَرَ ظُلْمًا .. وَلَمْ يَسُنَّ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَلا خُلَفَاؤُهُ الرَّاشِدُونَ فِي يَوْمِ عَاشُورَاءَ شَيْئًا مِنْ هَذِهِ الأُمُورِ , لا شَعَائِرَ الْحُزْنِ وَالتَّرَحِ , وَلا شَعَائِرَ السُّرُورِ وَالْفَرَحِ .. وَأَمَّا سَائِرُ الأُمُورِ : مِثْلُ اتِّخَاذِ طَعَامٍ خَارِجٍ عَنْ الْعَادَةِ , إمَّا حُبُوبٌ وَإِمَّا غَيْرُ حُبُوبٍ , أَوْ تَجْدِيدُ لِبَاسٍ وَتَوْسِيعُ نَفَقَةٍ , أَوْ اشْتِرَاءُ حَوَائِجِ الْعَامِ ذَلِكَ الْيَوْمِ , أَوْ فِعْلُ عِبَادَةٍ مُخْتَصَّةٍ . كَصَلاةٍ مُخْتَصَّةٍ بِهِ , أَوْ قَصْدُ الذَّبْحِ , أَوْ ادِّخَارُ لُحُومِ الأَضَاحِيّ لِيَطْبُخَ بِهَا الْحُبُوبَ , أَوْ الاكْتِحَالُ وَالاخْتِضَابُ , أَوْ الاغْتِسَالُ أَوْ التَّصَافُحُ , أَوْ التَّزَاوُرُ أَوْ زِيَارَةُ الْمَسَاجِدِ وَالْمَشَاهِدِ , وَنَحْوُ ذَلِكَ , فَهَذَا مِنْ الْبِدَعِ الْمُنْكَرَةِ , الَّتِي لَمْ يَسُنَّهَا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَلا خُلَفَاؤُهُ الرَّاشِدُونَ , وَلا اسْتَحَبَّهَا أَحَدٌ مِنْ أَئِمَّةِ الْمُسْلِمِينَ لا مَالِكٌ وَلا الثَّوْرِيُّ , وَلا اللَّيْثُ بْنُ سَعْدٍ , وَلا أَبُو حَنِيفَةَ , وَلا الأَوْزَاعِيُّ , وَلا الشَّافِعِيُّ , وَلا أَحْمَدُ بْنُ حَنْبَلٍ , وَلا إسْحَاقُ بْنُ رَاهْوَيْهِ , وَلا أَمْثَالُ هَؤُلاءِ مِنْ أَئِمَّةِ الْمُسْلِمِينَ , وَعُلَمَاءِ الْمُسْلِمِينَ ..[ الفتاوى الكبرى لابن تيمية ]

وذكر ابن الحاج رحمه الله من بدع عاشوراء تعمد إخراج الزكاة فيه تأخيرا أو تقديما وتخصيصه بذبح الدجاج واستعمال الحنّاء للنساء [ المدخل ج1 يوم عاشوراء ]

نسأل الله أن يجعلنا من أهل سنة نبيه الكريم وأن يحيينا على الإسلام ويميتنا على الإيمان وأن يوفقنا لما يحب ويرضى ونسأله أن يُعيننا على ذكره وشكره وحسن عبادته وأن يتقبل منا ويجعلنا من المتقين ، وصلى الله على نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعين

إذا اعجبتك هذه الرسالة إضغط هنا لترسل لنا إعجابك عن طريق الضغط علي
جزاكم الله خيرا علي هذه الرسالة القيمة

-الراسل : محمد مصطفي , من الإسكندرية - مصر , ولا أعرف صاحب العنوان البريدي الذي أرسل له
-أحصل علي العنوان البريدي عن طريق حفظ أي عنوان بريدي مرفق بأي رسالة تصلني
-أفضل أن يهتم القارئ بمحتوي الرسالة ولا يهتم بمن أرسل و لماذا أرسل و كيف حصل علي العنوان البريدي ألخ...
-أنا أرسل الكثير من الرسائل القيمة لكن لأسباب فنية قد لا تصلك الرسالة , و أنا لاأجبر أحد علي إستقبال رسائلي و بما أني أمتلك قائمة بريدية بها بضعة ملايين من العناوين البريدية فأني لا أبالي أن أحذف أي عنوان بريدي لأي أحد حيث أني لا أستطيع إلا أرسال بضعة ألاف فقط
-لو أردت أن تحذف نفسك من القائمة إضغط هنا و أكتب السبب و لو حدث أن إستقبلت الرسائل مرة أخري أرسل ثانية و معذرة لأن الإضافة قد تتكرر تلقائيا في حالات نادرة
في النهاية الله أسأل أن يجازي بالخير من قرأ أو أعان علي نشر و قراءة هذه الرسالة

Got a Wii? How about a Mii parade?

2007-01-16T10:57:00.001+09:00

We finally caved in and bought one, and I have to say that Wii Sports is the most physically exhausting video game I've ever played. That to one side for the moment though, I went to all the trouble of punching holes in my firewall to get it online, so I want a decent Mii parade dammit! So far I have loads that we made, and one that a mate sent us (who suddenly just turned up in a game and we recognised immediately) but no parade. If you have a Wii, get building those Miis, set them to mingle, and add me as a friend please. My Wii number is 1300 2628 0844 0685 but i will need yours too so comment it or mail me!

This request has been brought to you with no Wii related puns, intentional or otherwise.

Interviewed on Nihongojouzu

2007-01-16T09:20:00.000+09:00

The Japanese life and language study related website Nihongojouzu has just put up their latest interview, the subject being me! Thanks for your hard work Will!

Cakes with Delusions of Grandeur

2007-01-09T17:34:00.000+09:00

Now for sure, in principle I try to avoid posting petty examples of “amusingly” incorrect English that you find on every billboard on every wall of every town every minute of every day, but having just received what is self proclaimably the spirit of untapped romance and the essence of harmony in this vast cesspool of humanity, in the form of a rather small bun ("okashi"), I simply couldn't resist sharing it.

博多
通りもん
HAKATA TORIMON
The spirit of OKASHI. It is what gives a peaceful and pleasant mind to the human race. All the time, man seeks romance in the OKASHI. We have been working hard and carefully, and work on. To weave the romance and fancy into each OKASHI. This, at last, we have made up "The HAKATA SEIYO-WAGASHI." If you taste the feeling and the spirit of the OKASHI which value tradition and living in the times, there is no pleasure better than it.

It's perfection OK, and that's before you get to the rather small bun inside (which I still haven't eaten - I'm savouring it). Note how the wonderfully climactic expression “there is no pleasure better!” is beautifully capped by two utterly superfluous words “than it,” that serve no purpose other than to draw unnecessary attention to their own lack of necessity. And isn't that what a good bun is really all about?!

That's not to say the gift isn't unappreciated. Come to think of it mind, the accompanying muffin too was far from humble.

In other news, I'm pleased to report that BS Japan, one of the dedicated digital high-def channels, is re-broadcasting Japanese Tradition “Utage” tomorrow evening, together with a brand new short called "Shazai." The slot is 20:55 to 22:55 “Cinema Crush” (or possibly “Crash”), so those that can't wait til March for the DVD release, enoy the high-def preview!

Couple of Changes

2007-01-09T09:20:00.000+09:00

Two slight changes to this blog format you might notice.

Now that Blogger properly supports domain hosting, I've decided to put it all under the domain I've had registered for the past decade. This neatens up the URLs a little and makes administration easier for me, but ultimately nothing will change. All the old links will still work, just the address displayed in the bar will change slightly. Enjoy!

Hover the mouse over any external link and a preview of the link will appear immediately! This is a free service that can be signed up for called Snap Preview, and I'd recommend it to anyone that doesn't want to lose readers to stray clicking.

Have a pleasant Tuesday!

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

2007-01-08T23:22:00.000+09:00

Last night, after eating a slap up meal of sushi and the such at a particularly good restaurant in Mitaka (ironically a sister restaurant of the original Shirokiya, a particularly not spectacular izakaya) we retired to enjoy a few bottles of very old wine and watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory in Hi-Def which my dad-in-law had previously recorded off Wowow (and then we tried to watch The Great Escape and Lawrence of Arabia in equally Hi-Def but didn't get very far). The film left me with a number of questions.

Charlie and his entire family all have strong British accents, and given Charlie's extremely young age, it seems reasonable to conclude that the seven of them must have emigrated to the US quite recently (together with the bed from which four of them had not left during the process, nor to go to the toilet or anything). Given that they barely have enough brass coppers to rub together to purchase a cabbage, or a bar of chocolate, this sounds to me like a somewhat extravagant move. My first guess is that they're not one of them very bright, and that's why they're so poor. My second guess is that they're simply following in the tradition of such classics as Messenger, Amadeus, Phantom of the Opera, Chocolat (also starring Johnny Depp and being about chocolate), and to an extent the “original” film version of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, making sure the accents of the actors are as randomly mixed and matched as possible to give a unique feeling of the land being untouched by space and time.

Why was I constantly reminded of certain key scenes from the psychedelic disco version of Attack of the Clones?

What happened to the vermicious knids? Take them away, and you may as well flush the whole film down the toilet. The vermicious knids make the film. I looked forward to their being mentioned, and was most disappointed by their absence.

Shouldn't the two films swap titles? Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was clearly all about Charlie, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was clearly about Willy Wonka. They should think about correcting this error.

Aside from that though, the wine was very nice, and I look forward to drinking more of it.

Japanese Women don't get Old or Fat

2007-01-04T12:49:00.000+09:00

According to this book by Naomi Moriyama...

What if there were a land where people lived longer than anywhere else on earth, the obesity rate was the lowest in the developed world, and women in their forties still looked like they were in their twenties? Wouldn't you want to know their extraordinary secret?

Japanese-born Naomi Moriyama reveals the secret to her own high-energy, successful lifestyle–and the key to the enduring health and beauty of Japanese women–in this exciting new book. The Japanese have the pleasure of eating one of the most delicious, nutritious, and naturally satisfying cuisines in the world without denial, without guilt…and, yes, without getting fat or looking old.

As a young girl living in Tokyo, Naomi Moriyama grew up in the food utopia of the world, where fresh, simple, wholesome fare is prized as one of the greatest joys of life. She also spent much time basking in that other great center of Japanese food culture: her mother Chizuko's Tokyo kitchen. Now she brings the traditional secrets of her mother's kitchen to you in a book that embodies the perfect marriage of nature and culinary wisdom–Japanese home-style cooking.

If you think you've eaten Japanese food, you haven't tasted anything yet. Japanese home-style cooking isn't just about sushi and raw fish but good, old-fashioned everyday-Japanese-mom's cooking that's stood the test of time–and waistlines–for decades. Reflected in this unique way of cooking are the age-old traditional values of family and the abiding Japanese love of simplicity, nature, and good health. It's the kind of food that millions of Japanese women like Naomi eat every day to stay healthy, slim, and youthful while pursuing an energetic, successful, on-the-go lifestyle. Even better, it's fast, it's easy, and you can start with something as simple as introducing brown rice to your diet. You'll begin feeling the benefits that keep Japanese women among the youngest-looking in the world after your very next meal!

If you're tired of counting calories, counting carbs, and counting on being disappointed with diets that don't work and don't satisfy, it's time to discover one of the best-kept and most delicious secrets for a healthier, slimmer, and long-living lifestyle. It's time to discover the Japanese fountain of youth….

The reviews are equally gushing in nature.

"A DELICIOUS WAY TO STAY HEALTHY."—Washington Post

"[A] well-organized, persuasive introduction to a non-Western everyday cooking plan."—Publishers Weekly

"One-upping a certain French woman who boasted about staying thin, Moriyama reveals seven secrets of how Japanese women avoid adding pounds and prolong their life."—GoodHousekeeping.com

"Thanks to Moriyama and Doyle, readers can learn from an insider raised in Japan. . . . Even the most hesitant readers will find their passion for the wonderful taste and aroma of Japanese dishes irresistible."—The Cleveland Plain Dealer

As a resident of Japan, I have seen more than my fair share of old and fat Japanese women, not to mention the men. I'll wage very little is written about the current epidemic of Metabolic Syndrome that's been hitting headlines. Nor, I'm sure, will it mention too much about the post-war trend towards very sweet sweets, deep fried foods, meat, and chemical infested processed foods of convenience, all so popular in the west. Needless to say, the more likely reason for generally lower obesity rates is eating smaller sensible portions and doing more exercise than walking to your car. So if you want to keep your weight down and remain looking young, use your common sense and don't buy this book!

The Japanese Tradition DVD

2006-12-22T23:03:00.000+09:00

According to Amazon, The Japanese Tradition series will be available on DVD from 2nd March 2007, and available for pre-order now. Here's what they have to say...

“The Japanese Tradition series carefully explains ancient customs passed down from generation to generation, as misapprehendedly preconceived by the western world.”

“Purely by word of mouth over the internet, this Japanese short film enjoyed huge success overseas! Finally, its global popularity has reached Japan!” (...Sound of Coal clearing throat...)

-Main Contents-
Utage, Hashi, Origami, Natsuyasumi, Obon, Ocha, Shazai, Onigiri, Tejime

That's a lot of Japanese Tradition, not to mention the bonus features. This thing's gonna go faster than a Wii in Yodobashi, so pre-order yours now to avoid tears come March.

This has been a public service announcement.

Update The official site is here.

Aeroplane Conundrum

2006-12-13T12:35:00.000+09:00

Imagine a plane is sitting on a massive conveyor belt, as wide and as long as a runway. The conveyer belt is designed to exactly match the speed of the wheels, moving in the opposite direction. Can the plane take off?

The connundrum above has been doing the rounds for a while now, most recently on a message board that appears to be related to the New York Times, so I decided to have a go at answering it myself. Here is my own, definitive answer, in vague non-scientific terms.

With very little thought, what the question appears to be asking is "could a plane take off without it actually moving relative to the ground if its wheels were spinning fast enough?" Of course, anybody familiar with the way flight works will tell you that the movement of the wheels is for all intents and purposes irrelevant, and that it's the plane's movement relative to the air that determines whether or not take-off is possible. If we were to assume a very strong and consistent headwind, so the plane had a high airspeed but zero groundspeed, then it's certainly possible in theory that a plane could take off without moving relative to the ground. Science museums, and museums specialising in flight often demonstrate this principle using wind tunnels. In practice however it's very unlikely and would be reliant on additional circumstances not specified by the question. Indeed, if the headwind was sufficient that the plane could take off with zero groundspeed, the wheels would not need to turn and the runway would not need to be a treadmill.

Also not specified by the question is whether or not the plane is equipped with VTOL (vertical take off and landing) capabilities, like a Harrier jumpjet. Such aeroplanes specialise in taking off with both zero ground AND airspeed.

However, upon closer inspection, the question is not in fact asking that at all. Whether or not the plane could take off is something of a red herring to disguise the flawed reasoning that makes the question itself a paradox. The paradox lies in the use of a false relation between cause and effect. Let's break it down into the order of causes.

The plane is pushed through the air by the power of the engines, which act like rockets sticking out the back. This causes the plane to also move relative to the ground.

The movement of the plane relative to the ground causes the free-spinning wheels to rotate, like pushing a supermarket trolly.

According to the original premise, the treadmill counters the rotation of the wheels EXACTLY, cancelling their rotation and causing the plane not to move.

The plane is not moving, so the wheels do not turn.

The wheels are not turning, so the treadmill does not move to counter them.

The treadmill does not move, so there's nothing stopping the plane from being pushed through the air by the XX kilograms of force produced by its engines.

We find outselves back at (1) - the plane is pushed through the air by the power of the engines, causing the plane to also move relative to the ground.

Clearly this cannot be right, and the flaw in the reasoning can be traced to part 3, where it states the treadmill EXACTLY counters the rotation of the wheels. This cannot work in theory or reality.You have to think about it in terms of cause and effect. The wheels rotate, so the treadmill matches them. The rotation of the wheels is the cause. The movement of the treadmill matching them is the effect. The wheels turn first. The treadmill moves to match them second. The wheels have to be turning BEFORE the treadmill attempts to catch up. And of course, the treadmill's attempt to catch up would itself cause the wheels to rotate faster, which cause the treadmill to move faster, which cause the wheels to rotate faster, which cause the treadmill to move faster, so on and so forth . It's the classic scenario of a dog chasing its own tail, or Homer Simpson looking around to see what Bart had written on the back of his head. All the time the treadmill attempts to copy the wheels' rotation, but in doing so affects the wheels' rotation, there will remain a difference between the speed the wheels rotate and the speed the treadmill moves. That speed difference matches the speed of the plane as it moves down the runway.

Of course, the wheels may be DIRECTLY attached to the treadmill by a chain and sprocket with zero slack, but then it wouldn't be a plane on a treadmill anymore, so much as a plane tethered to the spot. Only enough engine power would be required to break the chain before the plane is off on its merry way.

Now in reality, were such an experiment to be tried, the engine of the treadmill would probably explode, the wheel bearings would probably melt, the tires would probably burst, and the plane would probably end up sliding down the runway on its belly before exploding, killing everyone. Put another way, it WOULD find a way to move under the power of the engines. Whether it is able to take off or not under those circumstances would involve a number of factors that are not specified by the question, but as such circumstances would not match the initial premise, the answer would be moot. The actual circumstances of the question assume we are in a fantasy land with laws of physics quite quite different from that of the world we actually inhabit, so it would be impossible to answer without understanding the other physical laws of the universe. Does this crazy world where cause and effect happen together even have gravity? Is up really down? We just don't know, and I'm not hanging around to find out.

So if you want a simple answer, ask a science fiction writer.